A while ago, while on a spiritual retreat in Thailand sitting in meditation, I had a series of thoughts: “Why am I doing this? I didn’t need to come all the way here to figure this out; I could’ve done this from my apartment.” That was before COVID-19.

Fast forward to sometime last month. My mind reminded me of that moment, so I wanted to explore the idea of “going on a retreat” in your own home. Could you get the same benefits from going on a spiritual retreat in your apartment?

The question seemed significant to me because of something else that happened to me on that retreat: After the initial anger state for having those thoughts in the first place, something in me changed.

I went gradually but quickly from anger to the realization that those very same thoughts of “Why am I doing this?” are what were needed in that moment for all thoughts to stop—giving me a glimpse of what can only be described as a state of samadhi.

And by definition, this was enlightenment—the moment everyone is constantly looking for, the peace of knowing that the very same thoughts you hated a second ago were the answers to all of your questions.

These were the words that I was looking for, this was what brought me to Thailand. I didn’t know there were “just” thoughts. I was expecting some sort of big revelation but the thoughts were enough. And that is extremely significant.

It is particularly significant in a post-COVID world. It’s been 4 years since the world was forced into isolation, creating a need for self-exploration and spiritual practices.

Habits are hard to build and very difficult to maintain, many of us have fallen back to our “bad” habits, or as I prefer to call it: a state of fear. And looking at the state of the world right now, there is absolutely no reason not to be.

And no matter what side of the spectrum (of life) you are on, one thing we can all agree on is that there was something mystical about 2020, or at the very least something radical came out of it. And I believe that it is the need for more love.

Something in us is not at peace; we’re all very afraid. Whether or not we can rely on our governments to keep us safe, or to do the right thing for that matter, we can all relate to that fear. Once we do that, we begin to see how easily anger and hatred might arise.

The conditions to see this is, I believe, what COVID-19 provided, and these are conditions that an “explorational” retreat might offer.

So can you do conduct a retreat in your apartment? Yes, if you’re willing to compromise, which can also be included in your practice. Design a retreat around your schedule and for as many days as you like.

What came out of it for me is a reminder of something that I’ve always known: that love and hate are two of the most common emotions that we all share. Then jumping to the radical truth of our existence—that we all, at the very core, have love in common—becomes, though uncomfortable at first, obvious.

That led to another conclusion: fear and anger are just emotions. Another emotion is love. This was another truth that I realized in that moment, that day sitting in meditation in Thailand. If I can come to the same conclusion here in my apartment, it must be a universal truth. And most importantly, you can “achieve” those moments anywhere.

Love is really what bonds us all together and if we can remember it, maybe our experiences of these times can begin to become a little easier, giving us strength to show up a little more in our fight for the world to reflect more who we are, rather than our emotions. And maybe if we do that, we can begin to change the world.

This is radical love. It is enlightenment. It is us—it is within us, and it is with us all the time. To quote the movie title, it is everything everywhere all at once. We all have access to it. It takes very little effort but it takes practice, and so does love.

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As a black man, it’s always really hard to watch another black person being murdered, but it is equally, if not more, difficult to successfully express the emotion that comes with it.

If you stay silent, you are considered a traitor. Not that anyone would say that to your face, but you can just feel it in your bones. It feels wrong!

And when you try to talk about it, it’s hard to find words (rational, effortless, simple and explicable words) other than anger, to describe what you’re feeling.

As a spiritual black person, it’s even harder to talk about these things.

When you do talk about them, you sound like you are withdrawing yourself from our perceived reality, and the excruciating pain that comes with it. It’s probably why a lot of spiritual people refrain from engaging in this kind of discourse. But I think it’s important for US to voice our opinions from a point-of-view and understanding that is the experience of being human. 

And you can do so, while remaining in and bathing in the ineffable love of the universe.

I know this is no time to engage in spiritual-gibberish-peace and love garbage. I spent the last few days trying to come up with the perfect post and the right words to express my opinion. 

I found those words today in a book that I’m reading.

The story takes place in ancient India, when Alexander the Great had just arrived and tried to (thankfully unsuccessfully) invade the country. Alexander sent his messenger Onesicritus to fetch an Indian teacher named Dandamis.

Dandamis, a great yogi, refused to go. In a long and afront speech (completely new to Alexander, as nobody ever had the courage to insult him), he said these words:

“For the groans of the oppressed, become the punishment of the oppressor.”

And this is how I feel today. It’s hard for me to explain this phrase literally, but what I do know and want to share is that everything is going to be ok. That’s how I interpret the essence of Dandamis’ words: If you are the oppressor today, you’ll be the oppressed eventually. It’s happening as we speak.

Eventually, whether or not it happens in our physical lifetime, the human race will wake up to its true reality that we are all one. There’s no race, no color, no gender, social status, religion, nothing in our physical world, that separate us. We’re all equal and the same.

There’s no wrong way to grieve or to express frustration. However, there’s a healthy way to deal with it.

It is not to say that those experiencing pain, anger, frustration or hatred should or need to express their feelings differently. This is a mere effort to offer a different approach to a problem that just won’t go away.

It’s important for us to go beyond the anger and how it is currently being manifested, and make long-term, necessary actions that will efficiently bring the change that we so badly need. Again, protesting can be a way to do it. They prompted change for causes like slavery, women’s rights, and so many more.

I want to invite all of you, activists or the people who are just fed up with everything, to go deeper in order to see how to effectively make an impact.

In my humble opinion, the change that we wish to see will not happen until every human is represented in these high places. If you’re not into politics or don’t vote, you are still appreciated and can help in other ways, through art perhaps (if you’re an artist) or through simple acts of service.

We’re still in a pandemic, and many families, especially people of color, cannot make ends meet. Many have lost their jobs and sources of income. If you can, help. And it can be something as simple as checking on your friends or even offering a smile to a stranger.

These are confusing times. Even if you’re just uncomfortable with what’s happening, you’re doing good. Being uncomfortable with a situation is always a point of start for real progress. The universe hears you.

Before I leave, I want to offer my condolences to the families of the deceased. There’s nothing that can compare to the loss of a loved one. I hope you find peace and happiness again, as I’m sure your child/parent/sibling/partner/friend would want you to.

To my black brothers and sisters, I want to tell you that it gets better, it always does. We’ve survived the most cruel things and we’re still here. We will survive this as well. There’s a reason why we were built to be resilient. There’s hope, and you must not give up.

To our allies, thank you. Thank you for being already on the path of enlightenment. Thank you, because it takes courage to go after a system that benefits you the most. There’s nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about, and it is amazing to want to share your “privilege,” especially when for you that can mean going against your families and friends who might not share the same views. Thank you.

Be safe out there. Namaste!

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