One day, van Gogh decided to walk 80 kilometers to Breton’s hometown to show him some of his drawings. When he arrived at the property, he got cold feet. He decided to turn around and leave, and Breton never knew he was there.

This example provides a good breakdown of what happens when you move towards what you long for.

It starts with a deep desire for something. You often feel really motivated in the beginning, as you take steps towards that desire. As you get closer to your desire, your self-doubt tends to come up. The closer you get to what you want, the more you want to turn around and run away.

You want to start a business or get a new work opportunity, and you are finally having some success with it. You want a healthy relationship, and you meet someone who is truly great. Or you have been looking for your dream home and are about to buy it / sign a contract for it.

And then, just as you are about to get what you wanted, something inside you starts to panic. You want to pull the plug and just call the whole thing off. And you probably have some good reasons for it.

You feel that you are not quite ready for the new opportunity, because you need to do a course first or grow your confidence. The person you are dating has some habits that, after reflecting on it, you don’t like that much. And that dream home, is it truly the right time to move? Maybe it’s best to wait a few months and see what the housing market will do.

It is totally possible that you don’t want it, deep down. This often happens when the desire for something comes not from yourself, but from expectations that are put on you by society or your loved ones. When your desire is not genuine, it will feel like a sense of dread, like something is off while you rationally feel that you should be happy about it.

But also, maybe this is your self-sabotage kicking in. Because we often fear the things we want the most just as strongly as we desire them, our self-protection mechanisms tend to come up when we get what we want.

Fear comes in different shapes and forms. You may feel fear of disappointment or failure or getting your heart broken. When you have negative past experiences that you haven’t fully processed, you often fear that they will repeat themselves.

There is often a part of you that wonders if you deserve this big change or if you are truly ready for it. When you are used to having to work hard in either your career or your relationships, it can feel uncomfortable when something comes naturally.

It can be challenging to sink into the trust that it is the right time, that you deserve it, and that you are allowed to enjoy it.

Or it could just be the fact that it is something new and therefore unfamiliar. Life changes, no matter how much you have longed for them, are a step into unknown territory, and that can bring up a lot of fear.

We are wired to want what is familiar and comfortable, even when we have outgrown it or want something different for ourselves.

Your nervous system is focused mostly on keeping you safe, not on letting you thrive and live a deeply meaningful life. So, it is normal to feel fear right when a big change comes along. You can feel excited about something and scared at the same time. In fact, to your nervous system, fear and excitement feel very similar.

When your fear gets triggered, you are no longer connected to how you really feel about this change. Your thoughts become scattered, and as a reaction to the physical discomfort you feel, your mind starts to create stories. And you probably start believing them, because they tend to be very convincing.

What you need in such moments is to welcome the part of you that feels afraid, without letting it guide your decision-making. To allow your fear to be felt in your body without getting overwhelmed. To give yourself safety while you acknowledge, express, feel, and share the discomfort.

Rather than running away or sabotaging what could be something great for you, give yourself some time to adjust. Acknowledge that change feels scary and incorporate some calming practices into your routine. Breathe into the discomfort. Allow it to be there without the need to act upon it.

Acknowledge the fears you feel and the past experiences you may have had. Honor the part of you that feels scared and give yourself the space to process this change that is about to happen in your life. Ask yourself what you need to feel a little calmer, a little steadier. This could be a walk in nature, talking to a loved one, or some breathing exercises.

As you integrate your emotions from past experiences and learn to calm your nervous system, you won’t feel the need to self-sabotage anymore. You will be able to recognize your scattered thoughts and the stories you have created for what they are: fear.

And know that just because you feel afraid, that doesn’t mean that you are not ready or not worthy. Because you absolutely are.

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Since my business felt so close to my heart, my deepest desires, I was afraid it would crush me if I were disappointed. And of course, there were many disappointments along the way.

There were opportunities that got my hopes up that ended up leading nowhere. There were people I reached out to and never heard back from. At times I felt that I had finally cracked the code to then find out that my new approach was not as successful as I had hoped.

I was disappointed, just like I feared I would be. And yet, I found out that with a little gentle care, disappointment did not crush me like I thought it would. I learned that when we truly desire something, we can find the courage to try again.

To start something new, do something scary, or go for something you truly want, you need hope. Hope is the fuel that drives you into action, that allows you to move forward even when it is uncomfortable or scary.

Without hope we would give up in an instant or not even try in the first place. Hope is a powerful emotion, a positive force that helps us in the face of adversity.

But with hope also comes expectation. When you put yourself out there, you might feel the expectation that it will lead to the result you want. If things don’t work out as planned, you feel disappointment.

Disappointment is a natural part of life, and almost inevitable when you put yourself out there, but most of us haven’t learned how to deal with it.

When you finally find the courage to apply for that dream job or ask for a promotion and you get rejected, the disappointment can lead to you feeling discouraged. It can stop you from putting yourself out there again, to avoid feeling the pain. This means you will avoid disappointment, but you also lose the chance to do something truly meaningful.

When you are in the process of making your dreams come true, here is how you can find the courage to try again after being disappointed.

1. Acknowledge the disappointment and allow yourself to feel it.
It might feel like allowing yourself time to feel disappointed will lead to not trying again. The opposite is true, though. Only when you let yourself grieve the outcome you didn’t get can you heal your disappointment and find the motivation to try again.

Acknowledging that you feel hurt and allowing yourself the time you need to process your feelings is the only way to move past it. Disappointment often comes with anger, frustration, and sadness. Your feelings are valid, and you are allowed to be hurt.

2. Recognize the courage it took to try.
Trying something new or working toward something you really want takes courage and vulnerability. Regardless of the outcome, can you give yourself credit for trying, for doing something that felt scary?

You can’t always control the outcome of your actions; you can only do your part. When you recognize that you took a courageous step, you might find that same courage to give it another go. Even if it didn’t work out this time, every step takes you closer to where you want to be.

3. Were your expectations realistic?
Once you have acknowledged the hurt, a good question to reflect on is whether you set realistic expectations for yourself. Disappointment is inevitable in life, but setting realistic expectations can make a significant difference in the intensity of it.

When the initial pain is gone, can you see what you learned from this situation and what could help you moving forward?

4. Get back to the desire.
Why did you want to do the brave, scary thing in the first place? Why is it important to you, and what would it be like if you succeeded? Getting back in touch with the desire you feel is the fuel for taking action once more. Allow yourself to dream again.

5. Take a baby step in the right direction.
Putting yourself back out there, no matter how small the first step might be, is the only way to move toward what you desire. What is a tiny step in the right direction that you could take today? Remember that achieving big dreams is often the result of lots of baby steps.

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I nestle myself on the couch in my comfy bathrobe, and I sit there drinking my coffee in silence. The whole ritual from making the coffee to finishing it takes me 15 minutes max, but those 15 minutes are my absolute favorite. I look forward to it when I go to sleep, and the thought of it motivates me to get out of my warm, comfortable bed in the morning.

While I enjoy exotic vacations, special events, and the holiday season as much as the next person, a lot of life consists of moments that don’t give us a great story to tell our friends over a glass of wine. But that doesn’t mean that there is no magic in the everyday activities, the daily routine, our ordinary lives. In fact, with a little bit of care and attention, that is where the true magic is found.

Choosing to turn our favorite daily activity into a ritual, where we take the time to enjoy it without interference, really has the power to elevate our daily life into something extraordinary. All it takes is the removal of distractions so that we can put emphasis on what we enjoy so much about this particular activity.

Going for a walk and taking the time to notice the changing of seasons. Taking the time to cook a delicious meal while listening to beautiful music. Lighting a candle for a lunch without distractions. Feeling the hot water on your skin while you are in the shower.

Even tasks like cleaning or folding laundry can feel like a ritual when you are doing them consciously.

Honoring the beauty of our daily routine reminds us that life does not have to be big and eventful to be special and appreciated.

Not every day will feel like the best day ever, and oftentimes we will do tasks simply because they need to get done. Some days, everything will feel like a massive chore. Spending every moment of your waking hours being present, enjoying the moment and grateful seems nearly impossible.

Building in the time to be present in one everyday activity, one that you enjoy to begin with, can really be an anchor in a stressful, hectic day. Spending an extra 5 to 10 minutes making an enjoyable, ordinary activity a little bit more special can bring a touch of magic to our daily life.

Whether it is getting the special coffee beans, using a super soft towel, or choosing a different route on your daily walk, allow yourself that extra spark of magic. It might just change your life.

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When I was daydreaming, I felt truly in awe of life, nature, and the endless possibilities I saw for myself and others. I could see a butterfly and make up a whole story about that butterfly. It felt like the highest vibe activity; I was floating and feeling pure joy.

For people around me it was slightly annoying sometimes, because communicating with me was challenging to say the least. “Where were you?” was a commonly asked question, and, truthfully, I have no idea where I went. It felt like I was out of the here and now and in some other space.

When I went to school, I started seeing my daydreaming as a negative trait, one that made it hard for me to pay attention. I started putting more effort into being present, being in my body and the here and now.

That has been highly beneficial for a ton of reasons: being in my body allows me to experience life, really experience the moment as it is unfolding right now. I talk about the importance of being present in our bodies all the time, and I truly see this as a useful skill to cultivate.

But I also deeply believe that my favorite childhood activity of daydreaming deserves a bit more love. As adults, it is something most of us don’t do very often. It is important to note that daydreaming is not the same as overanalyzing, something many adults (including myself) spend a ton of time doing.

Daydreaming is being in a dreamlike state while being awake. It is being curious, experiencing awe and wonder about life, being inspired by everything that is happening around you.

It really helps you see the beauty of life; it stimulates creativity by simply allowing your mind to create without forcing or controlling it. It gives us a chance to see where our mind wonders, what we truly desire, and it helps us see the many possibilities that life offers.

Daydreaming adds a little fairy dust to your life.

Daydreaming can naturally occur when we don’t occupy our mind with other things. When we have moments without any distractions, our mind can take us places.

To be able to make space for daydreaming, we need to be comfortable with not filling every single moment with something to do or consume. Riding on the train, walking in the park, waiting at the dentist’s office or in line at the supermarket are moments where we can grab our phone or we can decide to let our mind wonder.

If you notice that your mind goes into overthinking when you carve out time, create a scenario that helps you enter a dreamlike state.

Consider listening to music that is very dreamlike, being in a natural setting, having your favorite tea, or being in your favorite space. Focusing on something beautiful in your environment can help as well. Stimulate your creative mind by making up a story about someone you see, a tree, or the rain.

If it has been a while since you felt that state, or if you have never experienced it, it might take some training for the mind.

Whether you are already a daydreamer or not, I hope this inspires you to make a little bit more time to allow your mind to wander off into beautiful places.

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