I attended the concert with my partner and my four sisters along with their “pluses.” Music is essential in our family. My partner’s career was in music. My father taught instrumental music, and everyone in our family played an instrument.

We also sang in choir in school and in church. Attending a holiday concert as a group revives memories of our parents and of past holidays. My feelings ran the gamut from joyous to melancholy.

There were fun segments to the concert with some of the usual carols and kid favorites. The audience even got involved in part of the program.

When the choirs sang, however, I swear there were angels present. Such pure voices and harmony. It was a gift to everyone there. When the two choirs combined to sing “Looking for the Light” by Adam Podd and Matt Podd, I was overcome.

Let me explain. I have been estranged from my youngest son and his beautiful family for more than two years. Ours is a long story of misdeeds, misunderstandings, failure to communicate in a way that is understood, and much more. I am told that there are many such families, and the pain is sometimes unbearable.

I have cried more tears than I can count in a lifetime. When there was communication, we did not seem to hear each other, and so it goes on and on until, this December, any communication with that family, including three grandchildren, was banned totally.

Some of the lyrics of “Looking for the Light” are:

Looking for the light, it’s shining somewhere, somewhere deep inside…
It’s not way out there. It’s right here in you. It’s right here in me.

This song reminded me of all the beautiful and wonderful reasons I love my sons and their families, especially the beauty of my grandchildren. It challenged me to look for the Light in each person, not just my family, but in people everywhere. 

It is not difficult to see the Light in children. Their souls are so pure. It’s another story when it comes to adults. Our world seems so divided—religion, politics, wealth, health, race, gender, and on and on. There is so much anger and resentment. The gaps between us grow wider. 

What happened to the Light we carried when we came into this world? Have we forgotten that we once carried it? That we all came from the same Source?

What might happen if this year, we all stopped judging and instead looked for the Light in each other? I am willing to give it a try. How about you?

The post What Might Happen If We Look for the Light? appeared first on TUT.

I think of complaining as “thinking small,” and I know how easy it can be to fall into that place! You may be feeling stuck, or you feel like there isn’t anything that can be done to attract more love into your life.

If you’re anything like I was, you may have “armor” around you that makes you feel that you can’t be loved, and that there must be something wrong with you.

I believe that our life’s purpose is to love and be loved, and everyone has the ability within them to do so. We may get hurt along the way and become afraid, jealous, or “grasping.”

Sometimes our perception is that we’re not lovable or that we don’t know how to love or allow ourselves to be loved, and we can start to experience the world through the lens of those belief systems.

The good news is, you can shift your mind and your experience, and tremendous healing can happen once you’re willing to allow it.

Here are 3 simple steps you can take to become a Love Magnet:

1. Take a look at where you’re coming from. When it comes to relationships, we’re often in a place of judgment, defensiveness, and attack. We tend to think that if we’re not complaining or attacking, we’re going to get hurt.

When we come from this place, we’re actually repelling love. When we’re actively judgmental or attacking, we start to sink into a malaise in our heart where we feel unworthy of love because we’re unwilling to be loving.

Deep down you may equate being loving with “giving to get.” You may think you’re being loving towards someone, but if your motivation is to get something in return, that’s not loving. That’s when love can feel unsafe, because what you’re experiencing isn’t love, even though you may have been taught that’s what it is.

Love isn’t trying to “get” anything—love is everything! It doesn’t lack.

2. Switch judgment to curiosity. When you judge others, you’re actually showing how you’re always judging yourself. For example, if you’re self-conscious about your appearance, you’ll find yourself constantly judging and evaluating others based on their looks.

Notice how often you’re doing this, and try switching to curiosity instead. Ask yourself questions about that person, and get really curious about them. Ask yourself things like, “I wonder what they do for work?” or “I wonder what their family is like?”

3. Broadcast love, gratitude, and appreciation. When you explore how loving and compassionate you can be—and move into practicing love—you actually release the idea that you have a lack or that you’re lonely or that you’re not enough.

One way to practice love and compassion is to start sending thoughts of love to people as you go about your day. If you’re somewhere where there are other people around, like a store or a restaurant, start thinking, “I love your smile” or “I love the way you’re looking at her.”

Notice everything around you with love, appreciation, and gratitude. Say things to yourself like, “I’m so grateful to be spending time with my friends” or “I really appreciate this delicious food.”

Start moving into gratitude, love, and appreciation without trying to control the situation or get anything in return. This allows you to have more love and compassion towards yourself.

When you have a judgmental or cynical attitude, this repels love because you’ve made up your mind that love isn’t safe. What’s actually not safe is when you’re in judgment, because that’s when you’re in “attack mode.” Keep in mind, the person who judges always feels judged, and the attacker always feels attacked.

If you’re constantly judging, blaming, or attacking—even if you keep it all to yourself—you won’t feel worthy of love. When you’re in a place of your own despair, cynicism, or judgment, you can’t see love or accept it from others. You may even feel repelled by their love.

The safest thing you can do is keep your heart totally open. When your heart is closed, your intuition is cut off and you can start to not trust yourself or feel worthy of love.

Broadcasting love, gratitude, and appreciation builds that muscle and naturally heals your feelings of unworthiness. When you do this, everyone around you will be magnetized to you. 

Love is healing because love is our true nature. When you start practicing love without judgment and without trying to get anything in return, you step into a place of healing. You can turn from judgment to love in an instant, and it’s amazing how fast this can happen once you’re willing to make the shift!

When we’re broadcasting love, we’re healing the idea that there’s something wrong with us, or that love isn’t available to us, because we’re actually being the love ourselves.

The post 3 Steps to Attract More Love into Your Life appeared first on TUT.

1. Imagine everyone in your life is thriving.

It’s easy to get stuck seeing people the way they’ve always been or to buy into their stories of everything that’s not working in their lives. However, intentionally imagining or visualizing someone thriving and happy can shift things for them in magical ways. It also changes how you relate to them in day-to-day kinds of ways.

If you can hold a loved one with a vision of highest desired outcomes, ridiculously easy success, and effortless joy, you might just be a magic maker in someone else’s life.

2. If your loved one has a specific goal or desire, visualize it for them.

Any deliberate creator knows visualization is an effective way to dance with the divine. Some of the best science that supports the law of attraction shows us that visualization might be the single most important element in deliberate creation.

This is more specific than seeing them thriving; this is giving your time to one particular desire of someone you care about. You may be more effective at creating through visualization for a loved one, because you don’t have the same kind of sticky need or attachment to a desire as they do.

Gifting a loved one a few minutes a day to regularly visualize their wildest dreams coming true is a pretty generous way to share your love without spending a dime.

3. Touch more and hug often.

We live in a virtual world. Many people have more significant relationships online than in person. Most people don’t get enough touch.

There is a saying by Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” Very few people are getting that kind of touch in their lives, not even close.

Intentional touch is a beautiful gift. It doesn’t have to be a hug. Sometimes even just touching someone’s arm or shoulder in a compassionate way is enough to communicate you see them and you care. Holding your lover’s hand might be more intimate than making love.

It might not feel natural at first to touch more, but touch is healthy, both physically and emotionally, for both the giver and the receiver.

4. Forgive the sticky stuff.

Show me a family that doesn’t have some hidden pockets of resentment and a couple of old grudges in the mix, and I’ll show you a family on a television show. Sometimes it’s the small things that don’t get forgiven because they’re attached to larger resentments. Sometimes the big stuff just camps out in relationships because tackling the forgiveness seems too big.

Forgiveness isn’t a once and done thing. It’s a commitment to a process. It doesn’t mean the wrong gets made right. It merely means you’re choosing to put it behind you and be present in your relationships in the moment. Forgiveness might be the greatest gift of all, for both the forgiver and the forgiven.

5. Decide to accept everyone for exactly who they are instead of who you want them to be.

Ask anyone who feels like the black sheep in a family what they want for Christmas, their birthday, and Flag Day, and they will say they want to feel accepted.

Here’s the thing: Almost everyone feels like the black sheep at some point.

Conflict is a product of not accepting people the way they are. It causes a lot of tensions. Generally speaking, letting people be themselves and not expecting them to be anyone else makes everything flow more smoothly. It diminishes unmet expectations and disappointment.

Loving someone exactly the way they are right now is truly the only way to love someone. Anything else is just a knock-off of what should be love.

6. Turn off your phone and give your time.

Study after study shows that what almost every child really wants is not the latest and greatest toy. It’s more time with their parents or favorite adults. We never grow out of craving time and attention.

Time is free, but it’s also invaluable. You can’t make memories without investing time. You can’t build trust without spending the time to do it. Time is the gift that keeps on giving, and there is no substitute.

Almost all of us are running at a frantic pace that makes scheduling time feel like it might be easier to write a check. However, if you want a relationship that has more depth and staying power, giving it time is the only way to get it.

7. Talk about your loved one as if they were always right and perfect in every way.

I’m a relationship coach. I hear a lot of people talk about the ones they supposedly love in ways that aren’t so loving. There is some serious power in the words we use. When we’re talking about people we care about, we are setting up our expectations of them. People tend to rise just about as high as they are expected to.

There is nothing sweeter than the way my parents talk about each other. To say it’s positive doesn’t really do it justice. It’s sappy, but that sap is genuine. They adore each other. I think they are on to something, and they’ve got more than seventy years of marriage under their belts to prove it.

8. Talk to anyone you care about as if they are the most important, most spectacular human on Earth.

Words are powerful. People respond to how you talk to them. You don’t have to believe in the law of attraction or have a degree in psychology to know that. Studies have shown that plants respond to being talked to lovingly. If that’s true, imagine what that means for communicating with the humans you love.

If you want someone to rise, shine, and thrive, talk to them as if they are the single most special thing in the universe. We create with our words. When you’re talking to another, you are co-creating in their universe in real time.

9. Talk less, listen more, with your heart and not your head.

Your heart knows things your mind can’t get its head around. Logic doesn’t always get us where we want to go, but love almost always does.

Listen with your feelers on high. Feel what someone is saying to you with as much attention to emotional detail as you have on the content of what’s being said. If you understand how someone feels when they speak, understanding what they are saying is a given. However, if you are just listening to the words, you might miss a lot of important content in translation.

10. Go heavy on the gratitude and very, very light on the criticism.

Criticism rarely yields change. It usually just breeds resentment. Criticism is the kind of focusing on what you don’t want that always gets you more of what you don’t want.

Try thanking someone in advance for getting it right. Liberally share everything you think is awesome about the people you care about. Spend one-hundred times more energy obsessing over what’s right about someone you love than pointing out what you’d like to change.

Give thanks more often than you ask, and you’ll be way more likely to get exactly what you want for yourself while giving others exactly what they really need.

The post The Deliberate Creator’s Guide to Gift Giving appeared first on TUT.

As I grew older and my own pain intensified, I noticed a shift. My role as a helper morphed into that of a “savior.” No longer was I helping out of pure intent; now, I was driven by the discomfort of witnessing others’ suffering.

I wanted control. I wanted to fix everything for everyone, especially in my closer, more intimate relationships. In retrospect, it was like an unconscious addiction that created way more problems than it fixed. It was a defect really, masked as a quality. A curse on both ends of the rope.

The problem with trying to fix and control is that it shifts the focus away from the person in need and places it on ourselves. When we give unsolicited advice, we often overlook the feelings and unique circumstances of the person we’re supposedly trying to help. We fail to listen, to understand, and to provide the empathy that true helping requires.

Instead of supporting them, we inadvertently diminish their agency and capacity to solve their problems. True help is about empowering the other person, not imposing our solutions on them.

Empathy is not about changing how someone feels; it’s about letting them know they’re not alone in their feelings. When we try to fix someone’s situation, we unintentionally invalidate their emotions, making them feel unheard and isolated. True empathy involves sitting with someone in their pain, offering a supportive presence rather than solutions.

Becoming certified as a hypnosis practitioner and life coach marked a turning point for me. I began to shift back to my pure purpose of helping. I learned that true coaching is about guiding and helping, not fixing or controlling. The essence of being a great coach lies in not fixing but in empowering others to find their solutions.

As a mother, this lesson is sometimes challenged. The savior in me resurfaces, not because it makes me uncomfortable to see my daughter in pain, but because I want to shield her from pain altogether.

I catch myself trying to fix things for her, believing that if I control her environment, she will be immune to suffering. But this is not true. As Brené Brown says in Atlas of the Heart: “It’s not our job to fix things for our kids; it’s our job to teach them how to sit in pain.”

To help others, I must first help myself. This plays out daily in my role as a mother, where I am deeply emotionally vested. It is a daily practice of compassion and letting go, allowing my daughter to feel and know her emotions.

I strive to be with her when she is in pain, letting her know she’s not alone, and allowing her to figure things out so that she can grow, heal, and embark on her own journey. My goal as a mother is to be an example and teach her how to be open and willing to receive light and reflect it back to others.

In this journey, I’ve learned that true helping is about empowering others to find their strength, guiding them to discover their paths, and being a supportive presence. It’s about receiving light and reflecting it, not just creating it.

As Pema Chödrön wisely states, “Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”

True compassion involves understanding our shared human experience and connecting deeply with others’ pain, not trying to fix it. By embracing empathy and compassion, we create a space where genuine healing and growth can occur, both for ourselves and for those we seek to support.

The post How to Help and Not Just Fix appeared first on TUT.

I was surprised when he cringed and backed away. I then remembered that his experience with humans before his rescue had been less than ideal. Much less. I tried another approach.

I waited a moment, then stood by his side, facing in the same direction that he was facing. I reached down and petted his head. No cringing. I petted his long neck, and down his back, and soon he was leaning against me, content, no longer insecure.

Ah, the power of together!

A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology describes groups of participants working on tasks in separate rooms with no visual or other contact with each other.

Those who were told they were working “together” with participants in other room worked longer, solved more problems correctly, and felt better at the end of the task than those who simply worked on the task alone without any mention of “together.”

When I stood next to my dog, my body language said that I was his all—one with him, energetically speaking. We were working “together,” which you can do with a partner, friend, co-worker, employee, or family member any time you want to accomplish something that requires someone else’s participation.

For example, you don’t agree with your partner on the purchase of a big-ticket item, on the choice of schooling for your child, or even on how to get the housework done. Instead of sitting across a table from each other—or worse, yelling across the room at each other—let your body language signal “we’re in this together.”

Sit side-by-side at the table or on the couch. Share a single tablet on which you both jot down your ideas or fill in the “pro” and “con” columns. These simple physical adjustments are all it takes to get the energy of “together” going in your discussion, which will make a satisfying resolution flow far more easily.

Besides, it’s so much more fun to be facing life side by side, pointing in the same direction, don’t you think? My dog certainly does.

The post Lessons from My Rescue Dog about the Power of Together appeared first on TUT.

While it’s natural to not agree on everything and to get hurt from someone’s actions and words, that doesn’t, or shouldn’t, equate to conflict. Conflict arises when one’s ego takes over to fulfill its desire to be “right”—to fulfill a story that it has created and is seeking to validate.

Those stories can include how someone views themself, their life, a person, the world, and so on. But is the need to be right worth more than connecting to someone, especially if that someone is an important person in your life?

If you desire less conflict, to be heard more, and to develop deeper connections, I highly recommend the following: develop self-awareness, be open and vulnerable to communicate how you’re feeling, and be open to another person’s perspective.

Self-awareness is a key factor here. Self-awareness grants the opportunity to see the various emotions you have throughout a day, week, month, year, etc., and allows you to be curious about how you’re feeling at a given time and why.

For example, someone who is self-aware can pick up they are feeling angry when they otherwise feel pleasant emotions. Self-awareness then presents the opportunity to communicate those feelings of anger, in a civilized fashion, of course.

To depict the importance of self-awareness further, I have two scenarios of a common situation most people can relate to. Let’s say you have a challenging day at work and you’re feeling overwhelmed and tired.

In the first scenario, you go home to your partner, are cold with him/her/them, flatly state you had a challenging day, and give short responses like “IDK” and “you choose” to being asked what you want for dinner.

In the second scenario, you recognize you are more tired than usual, feel mentally drained, and don’t have the energy to cook dinner. When you arrive home, you let your partner know you had a tough day, you’re exhausted, and ask if they have the energy to make dinner.

If your partner says yes, that’s great, easy-peasy. The responsibility of making dinner is not on you, and you can go recharge a bit in however way you see fit. If your partner says they also had a hard day, maybe choose to order take-in so the responsibility of making dinner is not on either of you.

The difference here is that you both are working as a team, listening to how each other is feeling, how to best meet the person where they’re at, and meeting both of your current needs (rest vs. making dinner).

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying you feel anything other than positive emotions. There’s also no reason to put the pressure on yourself to do something you normally do if you don’t have the energy for it. However, instead of letting your ego win by snapping at someone you love, communicate how you’re feeling in a respectful, open way.

While this is just one example, the same formula can be used with any conflict. Be self aware about how you’re feeling, share those feelings, and be open to another person’s perspective.

Sharing how we feel opens up the conversation for both parties to come to a mutually beneficial solution and perspective. Communicating how one feels lets the other person know what’s going on inside your head and gives them perspective on how their actions might have hurt your feelings.

With that said, it’s important to not assume anyone else’s feelings or thoughts. Take these two statements as examples: “I feel like you never want to hang out with me” vs. “I feel hurt when you don’t reach out to spend time together.”

Which one are you more receptive to? The first statement will likely lead to someone going on the defense. The second statement grants the listener the opportunity to be more sympathetic, hear you, and be more open to a conversation where both parties will be heard to come to a solution.

The main difference between those two statements is being vulnerable and open instead of accusatory. If you find yourself being accusatory, ask why. For example, Why do you believe that the other person doesn’t want to spend time with you?

Be curious here because there’s likely a deeper internal belief that is running the show of your life and that will come up with multiple people or with one person in different, but similar, scenarios.

I understand it is scary to be vulnerable. Sharing how you’re feeling isn’t a wildly popular concept at the moment, but it is the solution to many conflicts that arise. The more one shares how they’re feeling, the more heartfelt conversations will be had, which is where deep connections and understanding can be established, not to mention less conflicts and drama.

Most of one’s problems can be solved when we share how we’re feeling and what we need. It can be as easy as—or as hard as—asking for help. It comes down to how you want to fill your life with. Let’s save the drama for our mamas and choose ease.

The post How to Use Self-Awareness to Avoid Drama appeared first on TUT.

Another term that I use for an aligned relationship is alliance. Both describe an association, a connection, a bond with people who are supportive of your journey. You have shared values, similar visions, common goals, or benevolent desires for each other.

There are many gifts you receive from aligned relationships, including the following:

• You feel valued and supported.
• You’re understood.
• You experience a sense of ease.

An aligned relationship can exist with a friend, an associate, or a romantic partner. It’s been shown that connecting with others is essential to one’s well-being, just like proper rest, a healthy diet, and physical movement. Aligned relationships nourish you with support and caring, bringing greater joy to your life.

If you currently feel stuck in any relationships that aren’t ideal, continue reading for tips on how to shift your circumstances.

As you define who you are—your values and your needs—making aligned connections with others will come more naturally.

Step 1: Strengthen Your Relationship with Yourself

Self-care
Set aside time to celebrate and reward yourself. Self-care may sometimes mean saying no to others. If you feel stretched too thin, make sure to recharge before giving your time and energy to another. Practicing self-care will help you rejuvenate and give you time to rediscover what brings you joy.

Inner reflection
Uncover your core values to live in authentic alignment. Your core values reflect what’s most important to you in life. Keeping a journal or practicing meditation are great ways to help you uncover your core values. This type of inner reflection is essential for healthier connections with others.

Gratitude
When you’re grateful for what you have, you attract more to be grateful for. This includes aligned relationships. Each morning or at night before bed, acknowledge aloud at least one thing you’re grateful for. This practice helps you clarify what matters most and what brings you joy.

Step 2: Make Aligned Connections with Others

Community connections
Getting involved in a community project or class is a great way to find other individuals whose goals and concerns align with yours. When you have common interests that you both value, relationships align naturally and with ease.

Work relationships
Making connections at work can help you develop and discover aligned relationships. The positive thing about nurturing work associations is that it’s common to have similar visions or goals. When your paths are aligned, you’re better able to motivate and support each other.

Personal relationships
Are your personal relationships truly in alignment with who you are? If it’s a challenge for you to maintain quality friendships or romantic partners, this may be a good question to ponder.

Personal relationships aren’t necessarily bound through mutual interests or goals, so achieving healthy, aligned relationships often depend on your awareness of the values that are most meaningful to you.

Ideal relationships are those that align with your authentic self. Before connecting with others, foster your understanding of your values and needs.

For greater success and joy in life, gift yourself with aligned relationships!

The post 2 Steps to Create Aligned Relationships appeared first on TUT.

That’s because we usually think of relationships as transactions: I give you this and you give me that in return, and our relationships start (and continue) on the wrong foot as we focus solely on what we want and whether or not the other person can give it to us.

This transactional mindset forms the breeding ground for relationship mishaps. Instead of cultivating an environment of growth, acceptance, and love, we inadvertently base our connections on a skewed notion of “who gets the best deal.”

It’s safe to say this isn’t the most promising foundation for building meaningful connections.

Therefore, understanding what motivates us to start and cultivate a relationship will make them more enjoyable and fulfilling.

The Mindset Shift: Social Connections Are a Mirror to Your Soul

The way you talk to others mirrors how you talk to yourself, your treatment of others reflects your self-treatment, and your feelings about others reveal how you truly feel about yourself. You can learn a lot about yourself by paying attention to your social interactions.

For example, what annoys you in others is most likely something that annoys you about yourself. It is likely hidden as a shadow in your subconscious mind, but through this interaction, it is revealed to you.

That’s why relationships provide a perfect opportunity for you: not only do you get to know the other person but you get to know your deepest, truest self.

So why not use your relationship as an opportunity for personal growth?

It’s a shift in perspective, but it doesn’t mean using others or neglecting their needs. Instead, it’s about looking at every interaction as a precious opportunity to shape yourself into the person you want to become—and to grow into the best partner for your significant other.

It’s time to start thinking about relationships in a new way: in the context of personal growth.

Instead of Trading, Do Some Growing

Personal growth is not just something that needs space in a relationship; it is what the relationship should ultimately be “used” for.

The reason our relationships are in such a mess is that we’re always trying to figure out what the other person wants. When we think we have it figured out, we try to decide whether or not to give it to them. And we decide as if we’re doing some “shopping” by carefully measuring what we might get in return.

I think that explains most if not all of the issues we have with any of our relationships. They are a delicately balanced trade: if you meet my needs, then I’ll meet yours. And if we don’t get what we expected, we get frustrated, angry, sad, you name it.

Instead of basing our relationships on growth, acceptance, or just plain ol’ love, we base them on “who gets the best deal.”

Relationships Are Growth Experiences

As you journey through this plane of physical existence that we have labeled life, you gather experiences.

Based on those experiences, you make assumptions about yourself. You have an idea about who you are, and in every situation you find yourself in, you demonstrate that idea with your thoughts, words, and actions. That situation becomes a new experience you can use to form a new idea about yourself.

Everything in life is about growth. Life is growth. Evolution.

You are living out your best ideas about who you are and who you wish to become. With that in mind, there is no greater opportunity for growth in life than a relationship with another person. Instead of entering a relationship thinking about what you can get out of the other person, you can shift your focus to how that relationship can help you grow.

We can do a lot of work on our own, but at the end of the day, we need other people to mirror and show us where we still need to grow.

Be the Best Partner by Being Your Best Self

Now, as mentioned, while it is a shift in perspective, it does not mean that you should neglect the wants and needs of the other person in your relationship.

Indeed, the aspirations, desires, and needs of the other person can act as a powerful catalyst for revealing your authentic self. By actively listening to the other person, you gain insights that enable you to define your role and response within the context of the situation at hand.

When you have decided who and what you are regarding the current circumstances (loving, helping, understanding, caring, etc.), seek a way to grow into those things. Dig deep, and do what feels right given what you have decided.

Shifting your focus from a transactional mindset to one centered on personal growth allows you to grow into the most caring and loving person you want to be.

And who you are will then be mirrored back at you, giving you everything you tried to bargain for in the first place.

The post How to Shift Your Mindset for More Fulfilling Relationships appeared first on TUT.

Every choice you make helps the Universe lead you into the relationship of your dreams. The “real” goal as you manifest your soulmate is to prepare yourself to receive that which the Universe has already created for you.

When you nurture yourself by working on the deeper issues of forgiveness, appreciation, intention, and openness, you make room for magic to occur by allowing space for the Universe to hear your call.

Working these five steps will help you feel empowered to become a clean slate, ready and open for love.

1. Forgiving & Releasing Your Past

Knowing that your soulmate is on their way, you need to make room in your life and your heart for them. One of the most powerful processes you can do for self-care and positive manifestation is to forgive and release all that has come before. What you resist persists. Forgive the past loves who have hurt you. More importantly, you must forgive your past self for poor judgment, poor choices in relationships, or anything you have done to cause harm. Your past has shaped you; your relationships have shaped you, your loves have shaped you, and your mistakes have shaped you – but they don’t own you.

2. Appreciating What You Have

If you want to manifest your soulmate, acknowledge all the other blessings in your life before asking for more. Gratitude allows us to reframe our thoughts to focus on what we have instead of what we don’t. If you train your mind to be grateful for all the beautiful things you already have in your life, you will always have what you want, and be more in tune to be able to manifest the things that you desire to bring into your life. Try beginning and ending every day by expressing your gratitude for one thing in your life. It’ll train your mind to open up to all the blessings you already have.

(Gratitude for your challenges or the things in your life that you might label as “bad” is one of the quickest ways to shift your energy and attract positive manifestation into your life!)

3. Focusing on What You Want, Not What You Don’t Want

Be very clear on what you want and don’t want. Take some time to meditate and understand precisely the person that you want to manifest as your soulmate. Ask yourself what traits your soulmate could have that are complementary to who you are and who you are becoming, and what things would blend to create a wonderful life together for you both. Once you are absolutely clear about what you want, reflect on the opposite. Know your desires as much as what you would like to avoid. Then set your intention and always focus on what you do want, rather than what you don’t want. Remember that like attracts like, and what we focus on expands, so keep your mind in the light!

4. Falling in Love with Yourself

It is entirely natural to want to have a fulfilling relationship with your soulmate and experience love in that fashion. But when manifesting your soulmate, it is essential to fall in love with yourself first! You are as deserving of your love as your soulmate is. Loving yourself well and falling in love with who you are breeds confidence. That confidence is deeply attractive to everyone in your life, and it will be especially attractive to your soulmate when they arrive. Appreciate all your positive aspects, talents and gifts. Send them your love and gratitude.

But also allow yourself to focus on things that you don’t like about yourself or would like to grow or change. You are going to send these areas love and light. Instead of resentment, how can you find and grow a sense of love for these areas? Loving your past challenges, resentments and dislikes are where you can affect the quickest changes in your life.

5. Being Open to Receive

Finally, self-love requires being open to receive love. The universe only reads vibrations. The vibrations of resistance and doubt repel, whereas hope and faith attract.

Love comes to us in so many forms. Learning to wholeheartedly embrace the love that is already in your life right now will program you to be open to the possibility of love anywhere around you. Expect that the best is yet to come.

The Universe is ready to unite you with your soulmate in unbelievable happiness. The relationship of your dreams will move swiftly towards you. You’ll move into it with a spirit of forgiveness. You’ll have an infectious sense of gratitude as the basis of the healthy love you’ll find. You’ll focus on positive desires, and define things in terms of what you want rather than what you don’t. You’ll continue to fall in love with yourself daily, and find that it is the overflow of this love that we can share with others and use to build loving relationships. May your new practice of self-love manifest the soulmate of your dreams!

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It’s wonderful and helpful to know your strengths and weaknesses so that together you can navigate life/work/projects to your best abilities. But when we stop questioning or being aware of these unspoken roles we play in our relationships, we can become stuck and stagnant.

Using the earlier example of my being a social butterfly, this sets me up to always be a social butterfly. When I notice I’m feeling low on energy and want to be alone instead of joining a gathering, I question and doubt myself and my identity. I’m known to be a socialite, not a recluse, what is wrong here? 

Nothing is wrong; we just don’t live in a black and white world. 

When we start to look outside of our automatic traits and ways of being that we have settled into with others, it opens up the space for growth, increased connection and understanding. Here’s a true story about me to illustrate this point.

I’ve been with my husband for 21 years. Since we started dating at 18, people would say I’m the one that has it all together.

With these reflections from others, coupled with our automatic ways of being we brought to the relationship, we have unconsciously created the agreement that I’m the organized, together, better partner. It plays perfectly into my automatic tendencies to be a perfectionist and high achiever.

Recently, our relationship had become stagnant; it was not growing and we started avoiding one another. I didn’t feel connected and didn’t know what to do about it. Through my own personal development work I realized that I had blamed my husband for who he was not.

I thought, “If only he was xyz then I could ask for his support on this challenging thing I’m going through. If only I was in my dream relationship, then I could get that support that I so desperately want.” 

That led me to an important question: If this was my dream relationship, what would I do right now? 

The answer hit me like a ton of bricks. If it was my dream relationship, I would approach my husband with the challenge and ask for support. 

I wasn’t doing this, therefore I was not contributing to my dream relationship. How could my husband ever step up to the plate to support me if I was withholding? 

It was then I realized that I was being a “bad” partner. Said another way, I was contributing to what wasn’t working in our relationship. It allowed me to see that I had been operating under the unconsciously agreed upon expectation that I was the “perfect” partner and any wrongdoings or imperfections must be because of him.

I shared this with my husband and apologized for who I was being that was contributing to our partnership not working.

He was so receptive and supportive—of course! It was in my mind that I had made up that he wouldn’t be. When we think someone will be the way they have always been, or the way we think them to be, we don’t give them a chance to show up differently. 

It was vulnerable and courageous for me to have this conversation with him. I showed up differently, which allowed him to show up differently. 

Since then he has opened up to me about where he hasn’t been the best partner. We have been more closely connected now than we have been in years!

I shared this story with a close colleague of mine, who later thanked me for inspiring her. She had taken that inspiration and applied it to her relationship with her manager, which was strained and is now flourishing. I was touched, and I want to now share with you what I see as the key ingredients for creating connection in any relationship: 

1. Ownership. You must be willing to own your part in the current relationship you have created. It takes two to tango. What are you willing to be responsible for? How have you contributed to where you both are today?

2. Vulnerability. As much as I had wished there was a way around this, there is not. Brené Brown brilliantly says, “When we dare to drop the armor that protects us from feeling vulnerable, we open ourselves to the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.”

3. Openness. Can you listen to and truly hear what they are saying from a neutral space, with generosity?

4. Creation. What naturally comes next is creating how you want it to go from here. Some questions to start with are: What would be ideal? How do we really want this relationship to go? What do I need? What do you need? 

This isn’t a one-time quick fix for relationships. I don’t believe that is possible. I see relationships as a way to grow our self-awareness and continue to step into our highest and best selves, if we choose them this way. From here, others in our lives become our teachers. 

Are you willing to look for the lessons these teachers are bringing you?

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