Even though he was 14, had arthritis in his hips and cataracts in his eyes, and couldn’t hear worth a darn, he was one happy, healthy boy up until his final week. Then suddenly the aggressive cancer in his spleen (that I didn’t know about) overwhelmed his system and he was gone in a matter of days.

My remaining pup, Baer, who’s all of 7 going on 3 (one Energizer Bunny battery too many), is confused. What happened to his big brother? We were a pack of three, now it’s just “Mommy and me.”

He trots his favorite toy, a stuffed dog, around the house, through the doggie door, back into the house, and brings it to me. Takes it back outside. Buries it in the garden. Unburies it. Aargh. The boy does not know what to do with himself. I keep telling him, “Be patient. I’ll get you a new brother soon,” but words just aren’t cutting it.

Happiness Is a Choice
As I sit there petting Baer, missing our Ringo, I am reminded that happiness is a choice. I can remain depressed, low-spirited, and unhappy over Ringo’s passing or I can choose—yes, choose—to see what’s right with right now, and choose to be happy. Jumping up and down happy? No. But OK. Appreciating what is. That I can do.

So, I look at Baer, and marvel at this wonderful doggy-companion the Universe has gifted me. I think about how much I appreciate his snuggling with me at night, how fun it is for him to wake me by laying his front paws on my chest and licking my face. What a goofball he is when he runs rings around the living room sectional, as if on a track doing laps.

I remember good times with Ringo—how much he loved his car rides, how he loved to roll over on his back and stretch out all 95 pounds of himself for a righteous tummy scratch. How he would tussle with Baer in his younger years, without ever hurting him.

How his version of what you do with a bunny rabbit lost in the backyard is not to kill it, but to lick it all over, as if to return it clean and unharmed to its “pack.”

Rediscovering Happiness
As hard as it is to lose a loved one—animal or human—if we are still alive, there is something to be happy about. Something to appreciate, something or someone to live for.

We don’t help the departed by being miserable, nor does it make anything better for those still here. That we should mourn and grieve, yes, absolutely, but never to forget that appreciation, of what was and is, is what will pull us through and onward.

After all, what will Baer’s someday new brother want? A miserable, depressed family? Or a happy one, eager to welcome him into the fold?

The post How to Choose Happiness After Loss appeared first on TUT.

Comparing your 10-year-old dirty car to your neighbor’s sparkly clean new one. Or your not-even-remotely-in-shape body to the ripped, buff, sleek body working out on the elliptical next to yours; you’ve barely figured out how to coordinate your arms and legs. Or comparing your toddler’s wobbly steps to your sister’s same-age toddler zipping around the room.

Take inventory of just how many times a day you compare yourself or your life to someone else’s self or life, and, more importantly, find yourself wanting. You may be unpleasantly surprised at how often you judge yourself as defective. Not good enough. Swift enough. Smart enough. Thin enough. Rich enough. Talented enough.

It’s an easy trap to fall into especially since we see so many “perfect” people online.

Every time you ding yourself with a “less than” comparison, you hurt yourself. You send an unfortunate message to your entire being that you can’t, that you aren’t. Whatever it is, you don’t measure up. Your body and mind take that message quite literally, and with that, it’s more difficult for your body-mind to accomplish whatever it is you desire.

Tell Yourself “I’m Good Enough”
One of the most powerful messages you can give yourself is “I’m good enough.” Not perfect but not deficient either. Simply good enough. Ah… sweet relief.

Because from a position of “good enough,” you can appreciate yourself and your life as it is. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else to figure out if you’re good enough; you can adopt it as your basic stance.

Try it. Say “I’m good enough” to yourself often as you go about your day, and you’ll feel more confidence flow through you, allowing your body-mind to function at its current best.

Look for the Best in Others
If you really want to rock your world, try thinking, “You’re good enough” of others as well: your wobbly toddler, your husband with his affinity for clothes that never match, your dear friend who always seems frazzled, even strangers.

“You’re good enough” takes you out of the world of comparison and negative judgment, freeing you to enjoy and be grateful for others as they are.

The post How to Ditch Comparison for Greater Appreciation appeared first on TUT.

Practice made a little dent in things, but “perfect”? If anything, it seemed the more I practiced something, the better I got at doing it the way I had always done it.

Think about that for a moment. What are you practicing, day in and day out? Are you really just doing the same thing the same way all the time? Are you practicing complaining, for example? Or practicing happiness?

Are you practicing looking at your kids, your spouse, your boss, your co-workers, and your friends with an appreciative eye? Or with a critical eye? Whichever you choose, that approach will become permanent, with consequences, intended or not, on your relationships.

A prime example is my mother’s view of the world. She used to greet me at the door to her home with the joy-deflating, “What’s wrong with your hair?” as opposed to “Hi, good to see you.” I was a grown woman, not a child.

I finally came to understand that my mother’s unyielding and constant criticism was her way of loving me. She wanted the best for me, and to her, criticizing everything she didn’t think was best for me was how she could accomplish it.

Of course, that led to far less interaction between the two of us and far less intimacy than she would have wished.

Whatever you practice every day will shape your reality. What would you rather practice? As much as I loved my mother, our relationship would have been far more harmonious and closer if she’d chosen to practice appreciation over criticism.

Pay attention to what you practice. What is your habitual approach to people and situations? If you like your approach, if it brings you joy and satisfaction, great! Your practicing is leading to wonderful “permanence.”

But if whatever you practice brings you anything less, then consider practicing something different.

Because “practice makes permanent” isn’t just a cute aphorism. It’s a deep and abiding psychological truth.

The post How Daily Practice Shapes Your Reality appeared first on TUT.

I was surprised when he cringed and backed away. I then remembered that his experience with humans before his rescue had been less than ideal. Much less. I tried another approach.

I waited a moment, then stood by his side, facing in the same direction that he was facing. I reached down and petted his head. No cringing. I petted his long neck, and down his back, and soon he was leaning against me, content, no longer insecure.

Ah, the power of together!

A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology describes groups of participants working on tasks in separate rooms with no visual or other contact with each other.

Those who were told they were working “together” with participants in other room worked longer, solved more problems correctly, and felt better at the end of the task than those who simply worked on the task alone without any mention of “together.”

When I stood next to my dog, my body language said that I was his all—one with him, energetically speaking. We were working “together,” which you can do with a partner, friend, co-worker, employee, or family member any time you want to accomplish something that requires someone else’s participation.

For example, you don’t agree with your partner on the purchase of a big-ticket item, on the choice of schooling for your child, or even on how to get the housework done. Instead of sitting across a table from each other—or worse, yelling across the room at each other—let your body language signal “we’re in this together.”

Sit side-by-side at the table or on the couch. Share a single tablet on which you both jot down your ideas or fill in the “pro” and “con” columns. These simple physical adjustments are all it takes to get the energy of “together” going in your discussion, which will make a satisfying resolution flow far more easily.

Besides, it’s so much more fun to be facing life side by side, pointing in the same direction, don’t you think? My dog certainly does.

The post Lessons from My Rescue Dog about the Power of Together appeared first on TUT.

Whether their behavior is intentional or not, the driver who cuts you off, the person in front of you in the “15 items only” line with 25 items in their cart, the salesperson who refuses to make eye contact as they text away on their phone—are all annoying.

Sure enough, you fume, you have a conversation with yourself about how rude these people are, how you would never behave that way. You are justifiably irritated, and you stay that way for the better part of your day.

You then inflict your foul mood on whoever you encounter next: co-worker, child, partner, friend. Suddenly you’re all thumbs, you drop things, you can’t find whatever you need, and your back is acting up again.

No big surprise. Like attracts like, energetically speaking, and when you’re in a rotten place, you cease to perceive the goodness all around and in you. You can only relate to things that match, in some way, your foul mood.

The solution is not to pretend you weren’t slighted or dissed—you were. The solution is to recognize the behavior as something you don’t want in your life and refuse to attach to it.

In short, don’t cling. Don’t latch on to a person’s rudeness as if it were a life preserver and hang on to it for all you are worth. Let go—immediately, totally, completely. They were rude, yes. You don’t like it, fine. It’s done, over.

It’s not the slight or rude behavior that hurts you, not really. Oh, you may have to spend five more minutes in line than you intended, and you may have to remember to pay more attention to potentially irresponsible drivers, but there’s no real harm here. You’re irritated and annoyed, not damaged beyond repair—unless you make it so.

The more you fume, dwell on the slight, and rehash it endlessly in the theater of your mind, the bigger it gets, and yes, then you can do damage to yourself over a truly insignificant event. You have better things to do with your life, your time, on this glorious planet.

If you can, forgive the person (who knows what’s going on in their life?). If you can’t, that’s all right too, but at the very least, let go and walk on by. You will be happier for it.

The post How to Stop Rudeness from Ruining Your Day appeared first on TUT.

The refrain that reverberates through your brain like a bad song is “I gotta do this, I gotta do that” as in “I have to, I must do”—whatever it is. You push yourself to get things done, you grit your teeth against the pressure of all these “gottas” because they don’t exactly let up as the day goes on.

There’s kids/things to pick up or drop off, errands to run, chores to do, and all the at-home duties it takes to keep body and soul alive, whether you’re responsible for just yourself or a brood of 10.

You go to bed wound tightly around your pillow, muttering, “I gotta get to sleep” as your nervous energy keeps you going despite your exhaustion.

Then you wake up and do it all over again.

And you wonder why you’re depressed. Why even vacation doesn’t do it for you, why you’re tired and dragging all the time. Yet some people are cheerful, upbeat and energized with even worse schedules and graver responsibilities than your own—how do they do it?

Is it a genetic thing? You know, they have the happy gene and you don’t? Maybe. But the more likely answer is that they’ve discovered the power of “I wanna” versus “I gotta.”

You see, when you look at your life as an unending series of “I gotta,” all you see are obligations, and obligations are the opposite of freedom. It’s as if you mentally imprisoned yourself within the tight confines of duty, with no breathing room for inspiration or joy.

Instead, take a step back, and look at the bigger picture. What is it that you really want?

Probably what most of us want happiness for ourselves and our families, good health, some measure of financial security. Well, all those things that overwhelm you as the “gottas” are actually opportunities helping you achieve those things you want.

Getting the animals, plants, and other living beings taken care of in the morning contributes to you and your family’s happiness and health. Meeting those deadlines, dealing with those bosses/clients/customers are ways you achieve the financial security you want.

The more you see your “I gottas” not as obligations but as opportunities, the more you can say “I wanna” as in “I want to do” whatever it is that brings the things you want into your life.

Free yourself from the joyless prison of “I have to” with “I want to!” and you’ll find yourself surprisingly energized, motivated, and inspired.

The post The Power of “I Wanna” Over “I Gotta” appeared first on TUT.

It’s the word “can’t.” The word “can’t” kills dreams, hopes, aspirations, opportunities, love—the list goes on. “Can’t” puts a stop, an immediate end, to all effort, to all forward movement.

“I can’t do that.” “I can’t go there.” “I can’t attract a mate/make friends.” “I can’t get a job/promotion/raise/better position.” “I can’t act/sing/dance/run/play the guitar.” You fill in the blank. We all have had “can’ts” in our lives, always to our detriment.

What would have happened to Jennifer Bricker if she’d bought into the word “can’t”? At 11 years of age, Jennifer placed fourth in power tumbling in the AAU Junior Olympics, and at 22, was a featured performer on The Circus Starring Britney Spears tour.

Before you shrug and ask, “What’s the big deal about that?” let me add that Jennifer was born without legs. You read that right. No legs.

Jennifer became an award-winning gymnast using her behind, hips, and arms. She also played baseball and basketball in high school without the benefit of prosthetics or a wheelchair and was the first high school tumbling champion with a disability in the entire state of Illinois.

What led to these remarkable feats? Adoptive parents who simply did not allow Jennifer to use the word “can’t.” Ever. Nor did they. Her adoptive parents supported and encouraged Jennifer in whatever she decided to pursue. Her mantra learned early on was “I can.”

Get rid of “can’t.” Try it. Eliminate the word “can’t” from your vocabulary and watch what happens.

You can substitute the word “won’t” or the phrase “don’t want to.” Both “won’t” and “don’t want to” imply that you’ve made a conscious choice about the matter. That it’s a matter of personal preference, not a factual impossibility.

This opens up all sorts of new possibilities. If you say “I won’t get that job I really want,” it invariably begs the question, “Well, why not?” This now requires you to take a closer look at why you think you won’t get it, which can more easily lead to reasons why you could get it.

Don’t kill your dreams. You deserve better than that. Eliminate the killer word “can’t” from your mind and heart, and watch your life soar with the power of “I can!”

The post Soar with the Power of “I Can” appeared first on TUT.

Too little of you to go around. You are spread too thin in too many ways, which means the holidays are anything but fun.

Time for a flip. Yup. Time to flip your internal switch from overwhelmed to relaxed.

OK, so maybe not all the way to relaxed, but how about to “doable”? To “manageable”? To where you can actually enjoy the holidays instead of resenting them? Even if you can’t afford a personal shopper/package wrapper/etc. to take over all that has you running ragged.

Flip your switch. Take a moment to sit, breathe, and ask yourself, “What’s right with this picture?”

How about the fact that you actually have friends and family to give gifts to? Many do not.

You may loathe the office holiday party, but guess what—you have a job. Many do not.

You are positively grinching (pun intended) at having your relatives invade your home for the expected holiday meal, with all the cooking/cleaning/decorating the event entails, but heck, you have a home. Many do not.

Secondly, ask yourself, “What’s right with me?” Ah yes. Because at the moment you are probably feeling inept, incompetent, and woefully insecure. None of which describes who you truly are.

If you’ve made it this far in life, you’ve had plenty of moments where you’ve been competent and on top of things. You can do this. All it takes is reminding yourself of your various successes, small and large.

Taking another deep breath. Get creative with whatever your holiday duties are. Deliberately making the holidays fun for you!

Gifts don’t have to cost lots of money. It truly is the thought that counts.

You don’t have to stay for hours on end at the office party. You can spend a gracious half-hour or so in attendance with a smile on your face and make a quiet unobtrusive departure.

Holiday meals are as simple or as complicated as you choose to make them. Heck, what about a potluck adventure for a change?

Flip the switch. Refuse to let holiday stress get the best of you, and instead, find the best for you this holiday season.

The post How to Flip the Switch from Holiday Stress to Holiday Fun appeared first on TUT.

There’s a reason for that. The New Year is a great time to start fresh, to start anew, like a baby staring wide-eyed at the marvelous world he or she is just discovering.

So yes, you’ve made your “start fresh” New Year’s resolutions and that’s great. You’ve committed to changing old worn-out habits and creating new beneficial ones. Now, take it one step further and “start fresh” with what already makes up your life. Marvel wide-eyed at the incredible world you live in. Not just at the sheer physical beauty of our planet and the universe we inhabit, but at the people, experiences, and situations of your life.

HOME AND FAMILY: 

For example, look at your family with new eyes.

What fascinates, uplifts, and inspires you about your spouse? Before you say, “I wish!” be still inside and really look at your mate. Leave aside your criticisms, dissatisfactions and frustrations for now, and look at him or her as if you were just discovering them.

What do you find that delights you? What do you see that you could admire? What about them puts a smile on your face? If you truly want to look upon your spouse with favor, if you really want to find something about your mate to value, to appreciate, then you will.

Do the same with your children, your co-workers, your mother-in-law, or whoever else populates your life. Find that something wonderful, surprising or pleasing about the person and dwell on it. Let that aspect of the individual be what you focus on.

WORK:

Look at your work deliberately to find what fascinates you, what uplifts you, what it is about your work that puts a lift in your step.

Maybe it’s the work itself, the joy of doing something well. Maybe it’s those you interact with. Maybe it’s the rewards you receive from a grateful client, from a paycheck, or positive recognition from your boss.

Focus on whatever in your work brings you joy as you start fresh this New Year, and choose to back-burner the unpleasantness, difficulties, and other bumps in the road.

The New Year gives us a wonderful opportunity to let go of the old and get on with the new.

Sometimes the new isn’t as much about things, as it is about attitude. When you choose to view the people in your life for the value they bring to you, to their world and to others, for what you appreciate about them, you experience people differently and your life changes for the better.

When you choose to look upon your work, your day to day, with that same desire to see the value in it, you experience your work differently, and your life changes for the better.

Choose, this New Year, to start fresh in every way — new habits, new attitude, new view on life, and revel in the joy that will inevitably come your way.

The post How to Start Fresh This New Year appeared first on TUT.

There’s a reason for that. The New Year is a great time to start fresh, to start anew, like a baby staring wide-eyed at the marvelous world he or she is just discovering.

So yes, you’ve made your “start fresh” New Year’s resolutions and that’s great. You’ve committed to changing old worn-out habits and creating new beneficial ones. Now, take it one step further and “start fresh” with what already makes up your life. Marvel wide-eyed at the incredible world you live in. Not just at the sheer physical beauty of our planet and the universe we inhabit, but at the people, experiences, and situations of your life.

HOME AND FAMILY: 

For example, look at your family with new eyes.

What fascinates, uplifts, and inspires you about your spouse? Before you say, “I wish!” be still inside and really look at your mate. Leave aside your criticisms, dissatisfactions and frustrations for now, and look at him or her as if you were just discovering them.

What do you find that delights you? What do you see that you could admire? What about them puts a smile on your face? If you truly want to look upon your spouse with favor, if you really want to find something about your mate to value, to appreciate, then you will.

Do the same with your children, your co-workers, your mother-in-law, or whoever else populates your life. Find that something wonderful, surprising or pleasing about the person and dwell on it. Let that aspect of the individual be what you focus on.

WORK:

Look at your work deliberately to find what fascinates you, what uplifts you, what it is about your work that puts a lift in your step.

Maybe it’s the work itself, the joy of doing something well. Maybe it’s those you interact with. Maybe it’s the rewards you receive from a grateful client, from a paycheck, or positive recognition from your boss.

Focus on whatever in your work brings you joy as you start fresh this New Year, and choose to back-burner the unpleasantness, difficulties, and other bumps in the road.

The New Year gives us a wonderful opportunity to let go of the old and get on with the new.

Sometimes the new isn’t as much about things, as it is about attitude. When you choose to view the people in your life for the value they bring to you, to their world and to others, for what you appreciate about them, you experience people differently and your life changes for the better.

When you choose to look upon your work, your day to day, with that same desire to see the value in it, you experience your work differently, and your life changes for the better.

Choose, this New Year, to start fresh in every way — new habits, new attitude, new view on life, and revel in the joy that will inevitably come your way.

The post How to Start Fresh This New Year appeared first on TUT.