It was like I woke up from a deep sleep. Loud and clear the question “What am I doing here?!” popped into my head. Closely followed by the thought, I want to be coaching, not here.

Four years prior, proudly displaying my framed “Certified Life Coach” certificate, I set up shop as an entrepreneur who had finally found my calling and was on my way to fulfilling my potential. Starting my own practice didn’t bloom as quickly as I had imagined, and I went to take on part time work at a local hotel to support my new venture.

The thing was, this intention of getting hired for a part-time job quickly swept me into a series of full-time, high responsibility roles: hotel events manager, then assistant hotel and restaurant manager, and after maternity leave while I had my first baby, I was welcomed back to the hotel with a sales manager position created just for me so I could balance work and new baby life.

Although I had continued to coach on the side during these years, it was minimal compared to the vision I had set out with and the impact I really desired to make. I wasn’t living the life I thought I would be living.

This sudden and unexpected epiphany as I walked down the corridor was what I needed to get myself back in alignment with living my life in a way that felt truly fulfilling and authentic.

Soon after, I registered for another coaching program where I could refresh my skills, gain some new ones, and get back in line with the direction of my dreams. To put my gifts where they really created the most impact, where I felt most fulfilled.

Building my coaching practice was not an overnight feat, but I already felt more purposeful and lit up with the direction I was going.

I believe my foray back into the world of hospitality and working with the people I did at the hotel was a necessary step in my journey. I grew more confident in my abilities as a leader. It was a surprise to me, but it turned out to be a divinely timed side route that ultimately brought me back to my calling.

My life could have turned out differently. I could have stayed “asleep,” going through the motions of the well-worn path in front of me. I could have decided it was easier to stay with the consistent paycheck and be in the “known,” in my comfort zone. I could have turned a blind eye to the yearning for more purpose and fulfillment.

I’m so grateful that I allowed that question “What am I doing here?” to be my wake-up call to get back on track.

I invite you to get curious and ask yourself the same question. Putting judgement aside, what response do you hear? Are you on track with living a life that feels fulfilling and purposeful? Are there any changes, shifts, or tweaks that you’d like to make?

The post Finding My Way Back to Purpose appeared first on TUT.

I looked over at my mom’s picture and then my sister’s. I felt immediately discouraged. My picture looked nothing like the masterpieces they were creating. Although they tried to assure me that my picture was unique and wonderful, my five-year-old self wasn’t able to see it that way.

It was likely this experience, and many similar to it, where I decided I was not a good artist, I was not creative.

Fast forward to me being in my late thirties where I still believed that being creative means you are an artist: painting and drawing beautiful pictures. Very limiting, right?!

It’s a belief that I never explored or challenged until I began reading The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. It was through the work of this book that my relationship to creativity began to shift and open up before me, blooming like a long dormant flower.

I learned that creativity and joy are inextricably linked. I don’t know that you can have one without the other. In my quest to expand my creativity, the bonus that I received was so much unexpected joy and contentment.

The more creativity I seek out, the more happiness and fulfillment I experience. And this doesn’t mean I’m painting and drawing—although sometimes I do join my daughters in making creations.

Shifting my relationship to creativity has allowed me to expand what creativity includes and see that it can be different for everyone. I have found creativity (and therefore joy) in writing, baking, walking in nature, sewing, creating homemade birthday cards, redecorating my house, playing the guitar, browsing through stores that inspire me, gardening, and much more.

There are no rules as to what is creative and what isn’t, as long as it lights you up.

When I take time to engage in something I truly enjoy, my day feels more purposeful and I feel happier. It’s an act of self-love to make time for oneself. Just the other day I had an extra 30 minutes in the morning between dropping my daughter at school and starting work.

Instead of doing dishes, laundry, or starting work early (which the hyper-achiever part of me longed to do), I chose to work on a sewing project I had on the go. My day felt so much longer, richer, and more productive! I even noticed I had more bandwidth to be with my family at the end of the day.

When we’re in the flow, fully immersed in an enjoyable activity, time seems to stretch. I believe this is the answer to getting off the hamster wheel of life, out of the mundane and the hustle. That this is what we are here for on this planet: to experience the myriad of human emotions, including joy—lots of it!

If you would like to rekindle your relationships with creativity and joy, here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Read The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron or other books that expand your thinking about creativity and joy.
2. Make a list of all the creative activities you love to do. Sort the list so that you have activities that take a short amount of time to those that require more of an investment. When you have extra moments in your day, choose something off the list to do.
3. Instead of waiting for extra time, begin to schedule creative time into your week. Even 30 minutes is a great start.
4. Continue to add to your list. One excellent way to do this is to try new things, especially those that you may have previously written off as being outside your comfort zone or not for you—you might be surprised.

Although I still experience the big and small challenges of this roller coaster called life, I now feel I have a light that burns brightly deep within me to see me through the tougher times. This light is the joy and fulfillment I have cultivated through my creative pursuits.

My wish is that you find pockets of joy, big and small, in your own life, leaving you with an overall sense of happiness, peace, and satisfaction.

The post 4 Steps to Embrace Creativity for a Happier Life appeared first on TUT.

It’s wonderful and helpful to know your strengths and weaknesses so that together you can navigate life/work/projects to your best abilities. But when we stop questioning or being aware of these unspoken roles we play in our relationships, we can become stuck and stagnant.

Using the earlier example of my being a social butterfly, this sets me up to always be a social butterfly. When I notice I’m feeling low on energy and want to be alone instead of joining a gathering, I question and doubt myself and my identity. I’m known to be a socialite, not a recluse, what is wrong here? 

Nothing is wrong; we just don’t live in a black and white world. 

When we start to look outside of our automatic traits and ways of being that we have settled into with others, it opens up the space for growth, increased connection and understanding. Here’s a true story about me to illustrate this point.

I’ve been with my husband for 21 years. Since we started dating at 18, people would say I’m the one that has it all together.

With these reflections from others, coupled with our automatic ways of being we brought to the relationship, we have unconsciously created the agreement that I’m the organized, together, better partner. It plays perfectly into my automatic tendencies to be a perfectionist and high achiever.

Recently, our relationship had become stagnant; it was not growing and we started avoiding one another. I didn’t feel connected and didn’t know what to do about it. Through my own personal development work I realized that I had blamed my husband for who he was not.

I thought, “If only he was xyz then I could ask for his support on this challenging thing I’m going through. If only I was in my dream relationship, then I could get that support that I so desperately want.” 

That led me to an important question: If this was my dream relationship, what would I do right now? 

The answer hit me like a ton of bricks. If it was my dream relationship, I would approach my husband with the challenge and ask for support. 

I wasn’t doing this, therefore I was not contributing to my dream relationship. How could my husband ever step up to the plate to support me if I was withholding? 

It was then I realized that I was being a “bad” partner. Said another way, I was contributing to what wasn’t working in our relationship. It allowed me to see that I had been operating under the unconsciously agreed upon expectation that I was the “perfect” partner and any wrongdoings or imperfections must be because of him.

I shared this with my husband and apologized for who I was being that was contributing to our partnership not working.

He was so receptive and supportive—of course! It was in my mind that I had made up that he wouldn’t be. When we think someone will be the way they have always been, or the way we think them to be, we don’t give them a chance to show up differently. 

It was vulnerable and courageous for me to have this conversation with him. I showed up differently, which allowed him to show up differently. 

Since then he has opened up to me about where he hasn’t been the best partner. We have been more closely connected now than we have been in years!

I shared this story with a close colleague of mine, who later thanked me for inspiring her. She had taken that inspiration and applied it to her relationship with her manager, which was strained and is now flourishing. I was touched, and I want to now share with you what I see as the key ingredients for creating connection in any relationship: 

1. Ownership. You must be willing to own your part in the current relationship you have created. It takes two to tango. What are you willing to be responsible for? How have you contributed to where you both are today?

2. Vulnerability. As much as I had wished there was a way around this, there is not. Brené Brown brilliantly says, “When we dare to drop the armor that protects us from feeling vulnerable, we open ourselves to the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.”

3. Openness. Can you listen to and truly hear what they are saying from a neutral space, with generosity?

4. Creation. What naturally comes next is creating how you want it to go from here. Some questions to start with are: What would be ideal? How do we really want this relationship to go? What do I need? What do you need? 

This isn’t a one-time quick fix for relationships. I don’t believe that is possible. I see relationships as a way to grow our self-awareness and continue to step into our highest and best selves, if we choose them this way. From here, others in our lives become our teachers. 

Are you willing to look for the lessons these teachers are bringing you?

The post 4 Key Ingredients to Creating Connection in Relationships appeared first on TUT.

My husband and one year old were asleep in their beds, and I was experiencing incredible migraine pain. I was in immense pain, scared, alone, and wondering if I should go to the hospital or not. Do I have a tumor? Am I going to have an aneurysm? These were all thoughts running through my red-hot brain.

Over the next six years, I journeyed to “fix” myself so that I would no longer experience what are now recurring migraines. My doctor gave me a prescription to try, which unfortunately, made me feel more awful, and it didn’t get rid of the migraine. She said I might just have them for life.

I switched doctors and got a similar story. From there, my journey to stop migraines has included a wide range of alternative medicines and healers—all beneficial, yet I still experience regular migraines.

I’m not intending to highlight the specifics of my challenge or to share that I have succeeded in overcoming them; what I want to share here is that I have come to realize that I do not have control over these migraines. As much as I wish I did, and as much as I persist in trying to “fix” myself, they continue. When they continue, I become angry, frustrated, mad at myself and the world.

“Why me?” I have realized that it’s not about the migraines, but my relationship to my migraines and myself that is the true lesson and gift I have been given. 

There was a point about three years ago when I decided that nothing works, nothing was going to work, and when I am in pain, there is no way to get rid of it, so there’s no point in trying. I was a victim to the pain, and it hardened my heart.

Then, when I was away for a weekend conference, staying with a friend, I saw that love goes a long way. I developed a migraine, and my caring friend asked if they could rub my neck. I knew there was no point as it wouldn’t stop the pain, but I said yes anyway.

As they rubbed my neck, chatting away quietly, I was so touched by the love that they were showing me—a love that I had stopped showing myself in these times of need.

I wasn’t criticized for being in pain. They weren’t calling me weak, irresponsible, or judging me. They were simply being kind and compassionate.

Why would they have acted any other way? This is how I treated myself on the inside—cruelly, without even being conscious of it. I felt guilty for having created or manifested these migraines and being a burden on my family and colleagues when they showed up. 

This was when I chose to shift my relationship to my migraines. 

It was a transition that gradually happened with the support from my coach and loving friends. Although I still have migraines and am unsure if I will have them forever, I’m no longer fixated on fixing them and having them go away. I have acknowledged that I’m not broken, bad, or wrong. Instead, I am focused on practicing loving myself in new ways. 

One of these ways is to reach out to ask for support: for loving words, reassurance, or a meal when I am in pain. It’s to treat myself to a bath, ice pack, or pain-relieving meditation when I feel the need—asking myself, “What do I need?” at the moment and honoring the response.

Being compassionate with myself, knowing that I will have to reschedule plans or miss out on events, and being at peace with that. 

The gifts that I have been given through migraines, which I offer to you are:

• Truly focus on being present with and celebrating yourself
• Ask for support, you don’t have to do it all and be it all
• Be at peace with what is

Although I have always envisioned writing this blog from a place where I could share that my migraines are gone and what the “answer was,” I am satisfied in sharing from where I am now: still experiencing migraines and that they have been decreasing in intensity and are now almost predictable in when they will occur.

My heart reaches out to the many who have experienced and continue to experience migraines and other chronic pains. I know many of which are far more frequent and of longer duration than my own. I hope my experience finds you and inspires you to love yourself, even just 1% more, and notice what shifts from there.

The post You’re Not Broken: A Journey to Self Love appeared first on TUT.