It was like I woke up from a deep sleep. Loud and clear the question “What am I doing here?!” popped into my head. Closely followed by the thought, I want to be coaching, not here.

Four years prior, proudly displaying my framed “Certified Life Coach” certificate, I set up shop as an entrepreneur who had finally found my calling and was on my way to fulfilling my potential. Starting my own practice didn’t bloom as quickly as I had imagined, and I went to take on part time work at a local hotel to support my new venture.

The thing was, this intention of getting hired for a part-time job quickly swept me into a series of full-time, high responsibility roles: hotel events manager, then assistant hotel and restaurant manager, and after maternity leave while I had my first baby, I was welcomed back to the hotel with a sales manager position created just for me so I could balance work and new baby life.

Although I had continued to coach on the side during these years, it was minimal compared to the vision I had set out with and the impact I really desired to make. I wasn’t living the life I thought I would be living.

This sudden and unexpected epiphany as I walked down the corridor was what I needed to get myself back in alignment with living my life in a way that felt truly fulfilling and authentic.

Soon after, I registered for another coaching program where I could refresh my skills, gain some new ones, and get back in line with the direction of my dreams. To put my gifts where they really created the most impact, where I felt most fulfilled.

Building my coaching practice was not an overnight feat, but I already felt more purposeful and lit up with the direction I was going.

I believe my foray back into the world of hospitality and working with the people I did at the hotel was a necessary step in my journey. I grew more confident in my abilities as a leader. It was a surprise to me, but it turned out to be a divinely timed side route that ultimately brought me back to my calling.

My life could have turned out differently. I could have stayed “asleep,” going through the motions of the well-worn path in front of me. I could have decided it was easier to stay with the consistent paycheck and be in the “known,” in my comfort zone. I could have turned a blind eye to the yearning for more purpose and fulfillment.

I’m so grateful that I allowed that question “What am I doing here?” to be my wake-up call to get back on track.

I invite you to get curious and ask yourself the same question. Putting judgement aside, what response do you hear? Are you on track with living a life that feels fulfilling and purposeful? Are there any changes, shifts, or tweaks that you’d like to make?

The post Finding My Way Back to Purpose appeared first on TUT.

Why do I write? Is it with the goal of becoming published? Why do I meditate? Is it to enter an enlightened state?

Am I doing these activities for the sake of fulfilling certain expectations, or am I doing them for the opportunity to experience the joy of putting words to paper, or to enjoy the calm and inherent stillness available to me each time I sit?

Experience has taught me that the drive to fulfill certain expectations undoubtedly puts a damper on any creations—be they tangible or not. Therefore, stopping to ask myself what feels right to me has become a practice.

Because when I make an intention to remain open and be present with whatever happens in the moment—detached from a specific outcome and the discomfort that comes along with that—I have an easier time experiencing the joy available to me in the here and now, and I’m no longer caught up with the results of a non-existent future.

Expectations have a way of hurting us regardless of the outcome. If I expect things to go a certain way and it fails, then I feel justified descending into cringeworthy states of disappointment or defeat.

If I expect things to go a certain way and I am successful, then my attachment to specific results is further fed by this win and will continue with other pursuits until one day, my expectations are not met and the sudden, crushing blow is felt even more deeply under the weight of previous successes.

This, of course, is inevitable. Even the most prolific writer, all-star athlete, or accomplished professional experiences the pain of having their expectations dashed.

Worse yet, when we place all our energy onto expectations, we can freeze ourselves in place. We deny our passion—our love for doing the thing—because we have created expectations that seem too unwieldly and undoable.

The pressure we have put on ourselves is both unrealistic and unfair, closing out on opportunities for joy, growth, and expansion. It is hard to fathom the number of passionate pursuits that never gain wings because expectations have kept them grounded.

In each of these situations, what was forgotten was the simple joy one can experience while engaging in these activities, along with the opportunity to allow the mystery of creation to unfold naturally and without unneeded pressure.

My advice? Gently put aside your expectations, and everything will feel just right, like your favorite pair of jeans or an old school sweatshirt. You will feel comfortable with any outcome, because nothing is ultimately “good” or “bad”—it simply is.

Creating for creating’s sake becomes the name of the game, and it is one you get to experience over and over, living in a space of freedom and expansion, delighted by the surprises that uncertainty and pure enjoyment deliver.

The post How to Find Joy by Creating Without Expectation appeared first on TUT.

This article will address evolution from a spiritual perspective. For simplification, let’s say that evolution is a process of growth and change that usually produces a stronger, more advanced form that is better able to thrive in an existing environment.

The term spiritual evolution indicates that our mind and spirit evolve from a simple form that’s dominated by nature and the physical world to a higher form dominated by the Spiritual or Divine.

In plain language, it’s the growth and transformation of your soul and the awakening of your higher Self. Therefore, understanding how to evolve can guide you on an unimaginable journey of self-discovery.

As you move through life, any number of circumstances can encourage your personal evolution. The choices you make in response to these occurrences are catalysts for the evolution of your Soul. These defining moments allow for transformational shifts in your journey and encourage growth and self-discovery, which are key to achieving success with greater fulfillment and joy.

4 Questions to Guide You Through Evolutionary Change

1. Where are you in your evolution?
The first step to realizing your full potential is to acknowledge that your journey has already begun. Recognizing where you are on your journey and where you desire to be helps you continue forward with greater confidence.

Consider your past, your future, how far you’ve come, and the values you want to convey to the world. As you reach greater levels of awareness, you may discover you’re further along in your evolution than you thought, or you might uncover new aspirations for growth.

2. How do you perceive your past choices?
As you reflect on your journey, you might feel regret about a moment in the past. If this occurs, it’s important to understand that dwelling on past mistakes can prevent forward movement. When you are able to look back and recognize these moments as learning experiences instead, you shift your narrative.

3. How do you respond to challenges?
Your response to challenges can significantly impact your evolutionary process. As you grow spiritually, you begin to shed your ego and embrace greater self-awareness. So, when you are faced with unexpected external events, instead of reacting without thinking, you’ll be able to respond more consciously and with greater clarity.

Learning to accept even the most difficult circumstances with greater ease creates the space for new opportunities and paths to show up.

4. What tools can help you have a positive evolutionary experience?
When a life event occurs, it may not seem clear at first how it will impact your growth. There are tools, or spiritual practices, that can provide the clarity and perspective to evolve with greater ease. Below are a few of these practices and how they work:

• Mindful movement relaxes the body and calms the mind. Mindful movement is any activity that is done with intention and allows you to focus on your breath in order to create stillness in the mind.
• Journaling evokes subconscious thoughts for greater mental clarity.
• Spoken affirmations encourage greater confidence and ease during uncertain times.
• Gratitude is a reminder of how far you’ve come in life and the growth you’ve accomplished on your journey. Practicing gratitude daily to acknowledge all that you have can bring even more blessings into your life.

Spiritual evolution is a personal journey that might be prompted by an undesirable or unexpected circumstance. When you understand that any experience is a part of your evolutionary journey, you are better able to harness its positive aspects for a greater connection with your higher Self.

This year, let life’s changes inspire your journey of evolution.

The post 4 Questions to Guide Your Spiritual Evolution appeared first on TUT.

This may involve actual physical cleaning in our space as well as clearing energetic clutter from our lives, especially since we may have residue from previous experiences within our energy field.

When considering the concept of spring cleaning for well-being, there are four aspects I plan to address—clearing the home’s energy, surpassing the past, honing healthy relationships, and clearing digital energy.

Clear the Home’s Energy

Clearing physical clutter from our home is necessary to change its energy. Removing unused items, by discarding, donating, or selling them, will instantly provide a shift in the home’s energy. Then, choosing personal décor that fits your personality will lighten and brighten the space.

In addition to clearing the physical clutter, setting the intention to clear the space energetically can be achieved by lighting a candle or burning incense, as well as saging the space.

And when we dust the furniture, sweep or mop the floor, and vacuum the carpet, or have someone do it for us, we can easily clear energy at the same time with an intention to do so. Since emotions can linger in our home, this type of clearing will alter the energy in our space very quickly.

Subsequently, opening the blinds or curtains and letting sunlight into a room as well as opening a window and letting some fresh air in will literally freshen the energy in the room, too.

As we know, music can be soothing and also energizing, which is why sound is beneficial to our environment. The same goes for smell, which is why many individuals enjoy a scented candle or diffusing essential oils.

Surpass the Past

We can also intentionally do a mental spring cleaning. One way to do that is to create a space to release ourselves from the pain, heartache, frustration, regret, guilt and shame we may have been holding on to regarding past experiences. This includes forgiving ourselves for any choices we previously made and now regret. We only know what we know when we know it.

Sometimes, we need to simply step back from an experience, observe what has happened or is happening, and then let go of our attachment to the outcome. Instead of being defined by our perceived limitations, we can decide what we choose to perceive, believe, and accept to be true for ourselves.

Hone Healthy Relationships

We may also be guided to assess our present relationships and become aware of our time and energy investments. Choosing to cultivate the healthy, balanced relationships and establishing boundaries within those relationships we deem unhealthy or imbalanced is beneficial to our health and well-being.

In other words, we can choose who and what we invest more time and energy in as well as who and what we invest less time and energy in.

Relationships entail relating, and communication is a key element in all relationships and experiences. Feeling safe to speak our truth based on our own perception is essential.

We may even be called to connect more deeply to ourselves, while listening to our spirit, heart, and physical body. Intentionally devoting time to practicing self-care and self-love will create a ripple effect throughout all of our relationships.

Clear Digital Energy

Furthermore, clearing digital energy assists with energetic balance, since we tend to revisit the past and, perhaps, even dwell on previous experiences. A self-care practice may consist of removing people from the saved contacts in our phone as well as deleting text conversations and emails.

Rereading old texts and emails can sometimes hold our energy hostage rather than allowing us to move forward. Feel into if revisiting is energizing or exhausting to you. Moreover, becoming aware of how much time is invested in these actions will aid us in clearing the energetic residue more easily.

Also, choosing to unfriend or unfollow people on social media as well as unlike or unfollow pages we no longer resonate with benefits us as well. Being selective of what and who we see in our social media feed reminds us of the power of choice we behold.

A physical, mental and energetic spring cleaning helps us with clearing the energetic clutter from our body, mind, and spirit. In doing so, we will feel more balanced and energized, so that we can fully embrace our aliveness and do more of what we love.

Quick Tips to Spring Clean for Well-Being

1. Discard, donate or sell unused items
2. Clear the energetic clutter from your personal space
3. Delete phone numbers from your contact list
4. Delete text conversations from your phone
5. Cleanse your emails by unsubscribing from mailings
6. Delete emails from your email account
7. Clean up any social media accounts
8. Speak your truth and communicate clearly
9. Create conscious connections and cultivate healthy relationships
10. Embrace your aliveness and do more of what you love

The post 10 Quick Tips to Spring Clean for Well-Being appeared first on TUT.

To the casual observer, it must look like I’m engaged in an alternate version of the cha-cha—or hopscotch for the aged. I prefer the cha-cha.

I step to the right, mince a step forward, then go to the left, hop to the right, and try not to lose my balance. One sure step ahead, then I’m back to dancing around dried, semi-dried, and fresh logs and plops. I really don’t want that stuff stuck to my soles.

It doesn’t do any good to curse the poop. I could rail against the geese, but, shockingly, they don’t give a rip. So, I adapt and keep moving forward to find patches of unsullied pavement or grass upon which to step. I know where I’m going. The river view is the payoff for this labor.

Does any of this resemble a funky day where you find yourself dodging piles you don’t want to step in? Being nimble allows you to move lightly around the messes while you advance toward your goal. Wishing the crud wasn’t there is useless because it exists. Hurling invectives toward those who create it, similarly futile.

It’s common but unhelpful to focus on what we don’t like and then look around for the culprits. There are usually plenty of candidates. How well does the blame game work in taking you closer to what you want?

Focusing solely on poo diverts you away from where you want to go. So you have to be clear on your direction while avoiding the debris—otherwise it’s hard to get back on course.

If you find yourself unhappily stumbling over—or into—unbidden gunk, here are some hints to help you recalibrate:

1. Make sure you know what your true north is. Take a moment to focus on what you do want. Don’t make the assumption that the absence of what you don’t want is actually a direction.
2. Think of your progress like that of a sailboat. When a boat tacks toward the wind and fills the sails, it gains momentum. On a good, windy day, the captain tacks frequently, and has the thrill of being tipped close to the water while moving rapidly. It’s exciting!
   
   Maneuvering a rudder doesn’t take the boat off its ultimate course, even though it might take a bunch of zig zags to get there. Think of the adjustments you make as part of your journey—necessary and perhaps fun.
3. You might as well enjoy the trip. Grumbling doesn’t make anything go faster or better, but being more carefree could. If the image of doing a dance around flotsam gives you a sense of lightness, hum along and dodge with rhythm.

There is no perfect path. Undesirable poop or detritus may show up. So get over it and get on with it, because you’re mightier than any of those distractions. Move to the left, mince to the right, hop forward, and cha-cha-cha!

The post 3 Hints to Dance Around the Goose Poop of Life appeared first on TUT.

For my first graduate job, a long time ago, I did a lot of programming. My children find this hilarious because they’re constantly showing me how to find things on my phone or how to navigate YouTube or record something on TV. Now, I still do a lot of programming. So do you. Even if you have absolutely no interest in technology or computers.

The computer did exactly what I programmed it to do. When something didn’t result in what I expected, usually one little coding tweak was all it took to get everything back on track and flowing beautifully. And our subconscious mind responds in the same way.

Life, much like programming, is about establishing clear conditions, navigating through loops and patterns, and making decisions based on what outcome you wish to manifest.

A do … while loop is a statement that runs a block of code at least once and then continues running it for as long as a certain condition is true. You can use this to start a habit, something that you can do while something else is happening. For example: Do leg squats while waiting for your kettle to boil.

The for loop on the other hand, runs a certain number of times. Repeating an action a specific number of times helps tackle tasks efficiently. For example, you could set the alarm on your phone for 15 minutes and clear out a messy drawer or empty your handbag and really focus only on that thing until the alarm goes off.

Debugging is the process of identifying and fixing issues in code. In life, we often need to “debug” ourselves—reflecting on our habits, identifying what’s not working and finding solutions. If something isn’t working the way you want it to, identify the “bugs.” Are you trying to do too much? Are distractions getting in the way?

If something doesn’t work out how you want it to, you can spend months on end bashing away and trying to make a square peg fit a round hole, or you can reframe the “bug” as a feature.

I love this way of thinking. It’s really helped me out of many tight spots. And usually, once a bug becomes a feature, it’s not so frightening or irritating. You can look at it dispassionately. It’s no longer an insurmountable problem. It can be a riddle. An intriguing curiosity.

Code often goes through many versions as it evolves and improves. Similarly, we all go through different “versions” as we grow. You’re not the same person now as you were this time last year, for example. All of the experiences you’ve had, the lessons you’ve learned, the decisions you’ve made have led you to be the person you are in this moment.

We’re not expected to get everything right the first time. Life is an iterative process. Past “versions” of you served you in your own way. When we realize this, we can be a lot more compassionate towards ourselves.

There’s no need to berate ourselves for the decisions we’ve taken or the mistakes we’ve made. These are all part of the process that go towards building You 2.0.

Daily debugging means that you’re more likely to find things that are easier to fix, rather than saving everything up and trying to unpick a big tangle of mess later down the line.

So at the end of the day, spend a few minutes reflecting on what didn’t work out how you hoped and plan a small fix for tomorrow. Don’t dwell too much on the negative, but acknowledge it and give thanks for the lesson it’s allowed you to learn. Tiny tweaks all add up.

The post How to Debug Your Life One Fix at a Time appeared first on TUT.

It’s time to change that. Prioritizing yourself doesn’t mean neglecting others; it means ensuring that you have the energy, joy, and fulfillment needed to contribute meaningfully. When you feel whole and inspired, you bring your best self to everything and everyone around you.

Here are 5 simple yet powerful ways to help you start prioritizing yourself:

1. Reframe Guilt: It’s a Sign of Growth
Guilt often arises when we step outside societal expectations, particularly when we prioritize our own needs. But guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong! It means you’re going and growing beyond your comfort zone.

Mindset Shift: Instead of letting guilt pull you back into old patterns, recognize it as a signpost that you’re making a change. Try this affirmation: “I see you, guilt. You’re just showing me that I’m choosing myself for once, and that’s a good thing.”

2. Say YES to Yourself: Start Small
What’s one thing you’ve been longing to do but haven’t allowed yourself? Maybe it’s reading for pleasure, starting a creative project, or setting aside quiet time in the morning.

Action Step: Choose one small way to say YES to yourself this week. Then schedule it. When you put it on your calendar, you tell yourself (and the Universe) that you and your needs, dreams, and desires matter.

3. Say NO with Confidence: Honor Your True Priorities
Many of us say YES when we mean NO out of obligation or fear of disappointing others. But saying NO when necessary allows you to say a deeper YES to what truly matters.

Action Steps:

• Identify one situation where you wanted to say NO but didn’t.
• Practice saying NO in the mirror.
• Either follow up with the person now or commit to saying NO next time a similar situation arises.

Ways to Say NO Gracefully:

• “My plans have changed, so I won’t be able to make it.”
• “After reviewing my schedule, I can complete this by [new deadline] instead.”
• “I appreciate the invite, but I already have plans.”
• “Let me think about it and get back to you.”

No justifications are needed. A simple NO is enough.

4. Celebrate Yourself: Acknowledge Small Wins
Every time you honor your YES or NO, you’re rewiring old, people-pleasing patterns. Celebrating these moments helps reinforce that prioritizing yourself is not only okay, it’s essential to creating a happy, fulfilling life.

Ways to Celebrate:

• Mirror Talk: Look at yourself and say, “I’m proud of you.”
• Share with a Friend: Say, “I want to celebrate a win! I finally set a boundary, and it felt amazing.”
• Small Treats: Savor a special drink, dessert, or moment of relaxation.

5. Get Support: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Prioritizing yourself can feel unfamiliar, and without support, it’s easy to fall back into old habits. Expert guidance and encouragement can help you stay on track and reinforce your choices.

With the right support, you can:

• Break free from self-doubt and old patterns.
• Align your priorities with what truly fulfills you.
• Develop resilience and confidence in your decisions.

Remember: You Deserve to Be in Your Own Life

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish, contrary to what we’ve been taught. Choosing yourself is the foundation of a happy, fulfilling life. When you’re energized and inspired, and prioritizing what matters most to you (including yourself), you can contribute to the world in ways that feel joyful and sustainable.

So, what’s one small YES or NO you can commit to today? Start there and watch how it transforms your life.

The post 5 Ways to Prioritize Yourself (and Unlock a More Fulfilling Life) Without Feeling Guilty appeared first on TUT.

On the journey of life, we are pushed to explore where clinging to old beliefs is causing us to be out of sync. By following resistance, we lose alignment with who we really are.

The antidote is right in front of us: Step outside of old behaviors and follow the rhythms of nature. Observe where our inner nature is resisting letting go so we can blossom and grow.

Stuck in Stories of the Past
Resistance is our mind attaching to the ways things have been in the past. They may no longer be true in the present. Resistance keeps us in repeating patterns, the old story of struggle and pain.

What lies beneath resistance is fear of the unknown. It is more comfortable to stay with what is familiar (the pain) versus venturing into the unfamiliar. By allowing ourselves to remain stuck regardless of the discomfort and pain, how can we expect to break free?

Persistence Is Not Always a Virtue

What we resist persists.
—Carl Jung

Our egos cling to survival by preventing us from letting go of the old story. We lean further into the pain. When we are in resistance, we are opposing the natural flow. We are trying to swim upstream or run back into the floods of heartbreak from the past.

The opposite of resistance is surrender. By surrendering to the flow of life, we’re able to ride the highest waves.

Let go of what’s holding you back and step into a life beyond what you imagined. A life free from the emotional, mental, or physical pain of the past.

Surrendering Is an Act of Courageous Honesty
Surrendering is not an act of weakness, as is often pictured in movies or in what we’re taught. Societal norms emphasize the importance of fighting at all costs. But what if it’s costing our own freedom? If we’re living inauthentically based on what we’ve been told by caretakers and those who have had the most significant influence on our development?

In these scenarios, we tend to be fighting against our own internal desires and needs.

Beliefs are formed based on what we’ve learned and been told. We’re unworthy, will never succeed, and need to settle on whatever scraps come our way. Behaviors and unhealthy coping mechanisms develop as a way to feel safe, attract attention, or to punish ourselves for believing we’re as bad as we’ve been told.

Take a moment to explore what you really feel. Ask yourself if this is true. Is this transference of how others feel about themselves and not really about us? People often do not see out of their own eyes. It may be that we’re holding up a mirror, and they are looking at their own reflection.

Yesterday is gone, and its tale told. Today new seeds are growing.
—Rumi

Letting Go Is Surrendering
When we stop resisting what is happening and fighting against the current, we move into the flow of life. The twists and turns on the journey. How do we know what lies ahead or is even in front of us if we fixate on the past?

The amount of time it takes may feel frustrating and even disillusioning, but do not give up. Evolution will take as long as is necessary for us to grow. It is a personal choice when we are ready to let go of resistance and venture forth into the unknown.

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.
—Voltaire

Pain to Pleasure Spectrum
The pain to pleasure spectrum involves three stages:

Resistance Acceptance Surrender

We need to move from one stage to the next to transform. We are able to find a path forward when we accept what is happening and surrender.

In the first stage of resistance, begin the process by abandoning the need to control, which is letting go of resistance. In the second stage of acceptance, acknowledge that the situation is out of your control. In the third and final stage, you’re on our way to surrendering.

A good example of this is the aging process. No amount of beauty treatments, lotions and potions, surgery, or medication can stop aging. By living a healthy lifestyle, the timing of certain aspects may be extended but not reversed. It is important to accept any physical changes, especially aesthetically. Surrender and redefine natural beauty at any age.

There are far better things than the ones we leave behind.
—C.S. Lewis

Train to be a gold medalist at surrendering and open your arms to receive a life beyond your wildest imagination!

The post How to Let Go of Resistance and Surrender appeared first on TUT.

Even though he was 14, had arthritis in his hips and cataracts in his eyes, and couldn’t hear worth a darn, he was one happy, healthy boy up until his final week. Then suddenly the aggressive cancer in his spleen (that I didn’t know about) overwhelmed his system and he was gone in a matter of days.

My remaining pup, Baer, who’s all of 7 going on 3 (one Energizer Bunny battery too many), is confused. What happened to his big brother? We were a pack of three, now it’s just “Mommy and me.”

He trots his favorite toy, a stuffed dog, around the house, through the doggie door, back into the house, and brings it to me. Takes it back outside. Buries it in the garden. Unburies it. Aargh. The boy does not know what to do with himself. I keep telling him, “Be patient. I’ll get you a new brother soon,” but words just aren’t cutting it.

Happiness Is a Choice
As I sit there petting Baer, missing our Ringo, I am reminded that happiness is a choice. I can remain depressed, low-spirited, and unhappy over Ringo’s passing or I can choose—yes, choose—to see what’s right with right now, and choose to be happy. Jumping up and down happy? No. But OK. Appreciating what is. That I can do.

So, I look at Baer, and marvel at this wonderful doggy-companion the Universe has gifted me. I think about how much I appreciate his snuggling with me at night, how fun it is for him to wake me by laying his front paws on my chest and licking my face. What a goofball he is when he runs rings around the living room sectional, as if on a track doing laps.

I remember good times with Ringo—how much he loved his car rides, how he loved to roll over on his back and stretch out all 95 pounds of himself for a righteous tummy scratch. How he would tussle with Baer in his younger years, without ever hurting him.

How his version of what you do with a bunny rabbit lost in the backyard is not to kill it, but to lick it all over, as if to return it clean and unharmed to its “pack.”

Rediscovering Happiness
As hard as it is to lose a loved one—animal or human—if we are still alive, there is something to be happy about. Something to appreciate, something or someone to live for.

We don’t help the departed by being miserable, nor does it make anything better for those still here. That we should mourn and grieve, yes, absolutely, but never to forget that appreciation, of what was and is, is what will pull us through and onward.

After all, what will Baer’s someday new brother want? A miserable, depressed family? Or a happy one, eager to welcome him into the fold?

The post How to Choose Happiness After Loss appeared first on TUT.

When I was around the age of twenty, my mom came to visit me at my apartment. She said, “I came today to tell you something about your brother.” I blurted out, “Let me guess: our uncle is his dad?” She said, “Yes.”

BOOM—there it was, that feeling. I had seen them together over the years and always wondered why they had a similar look, so it seemed on a cellular level I felt the truth. My mother’s face was astonished as I am sure she thought she and my dad had hidden it well all these years.

What made this especially maddening was that my brother had died in a car accident two years before. I asked, “Did he know?” “Yes, he knew six months before he passed away.”

My brother had started to get to know our uncle and had discovered the secret himself and approached my mom. My brother wanted to deal with this in his own way before talking to me or our dad. Sadly, he died before to being able to do that.

Fast forward: I’m 53 and have decided to get a DNA test. Why? I wanted to know more about my heritage. Mom knew I wanted to pursue this and made a comment about how I would not get to really find out anything since I needed a court order for any specific details.

See, she was from the generation where that would hold true, but not now with DNA testing prevalent as it is nowadays. It was then I said, “Speak up now if you have something to say.” She chose silence.

When I ordered my DNA test, I paid for information about both nationality and family tree. When I received my test results, I was so excited to review the nationality I initially forgot about the family tree.

When I finally remembered to click the family tree tab, everything changed. At the top of my tree, my uncle’s name was listed as a parent/child relationship. Yes, he was in the system. Wow! My mind was blown! My thoughts raced. Does nobody know? Why wasn’t I told?

For anyone who has had a revelation like this, it is at this moment that you realize that everything you know is now different yet the same. You feel a sense of loss with your identity. I recall looking in the mirror and thinking, Who am I?

I do not share this story for pity or sympathy, as none is needed. Once I took the time to process and move forward, I found remarkable hidden gems that may help others.

1. Realize your parents are human.
   Mom and Dad weren’t always parents. They were just humans trying to maneuver this world and yes, they may have stumbled and not made the choices I would have, but at the end of the day they deserve a little grace. I learned that my parents had decided to just live life and bury these facts from me and my brother.
2. Allow yourself the time to process.
   The information that you know deserves its own time at its own pace. This is a lot to process, so be gentle to yourself during this time. Everything has changed, but has it?
3. Do not let your brain fool you.
   Everything that you have experienced in life up to this point is not a lie. It can feel that way when you have a revelation, but it is not true. In my situation, I had a great childhood, and I was loved. That was real; it happened.
4. Find new connections.
   Once I learned about my DNA truth, I sought out new family members to have conversations about what was revealed. Was this hard? Yes. Was this a touchy subject? Yes, however, I felt it necessary to quiet the audience and discover my own truths.
5. Acknowledge divine timing.
   I took a deep dive into self. Why was this happening to me at this stage of my life? I acknowledged that divine timing is everything and this was my time to learn and discover. I made a choice to not dwell on the “what ifs.”
6. Search for hidden gems.
   What a gift to have a new family that wants to connect and learn about each other! It is even exciting to see those strange little quirks you have being mirrored right back to you.
7. Discover and explore.
   DNA test results are fascinating. I love learning about unfamiliar cultures that my nationality test revealed. You may even take a trip to connect with a new family member.
8. Empower yourself.
   Up to that moment decisions had been made for me. I felt empowered to choose what I wanted to do with my newly discovered information.
9. Forgive.
   This is the hardest, but it is invaluable to your own growth. At the end of the day, its humans being imperfectly human.
10. Open your heart.
    If family are willing to discuss, I invite you to consider opening the door to open-hearted conversations.

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